Thursday, October 29, 2009

Sarah's Laws of Matter

SARAH: We are all kinds of broken.
KATE: We are.
SARAH: Maybe next Halloween we should go as healthy people.
KATE: We'd never pass.
SARAH: It's only for one day. We might be able to pull it off.
SARAH: Fact- I am bouncing around my room singing Ingrid Michaelson.
KATE: Fact: I was bouncing at my desk doing that when you said that.
SARAH: Fact - GAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
KATE: gaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy
SARAH: I love us.
KATE: I do too.
SARAH: We are the best thing to ever happen to the universe
SARAH: Ever.
SARAH: Fuck the Big Bang, there was jack shit nothing before Sarah and Kate.
SARAH: I'm dancing around with Halloween socks and my Monarch sweatshirt on.
SARAH: Maybe I can get creative and make new words to "I'm On a Boat."
SARAH: That includes the phrase
SARAH: FUCK THE UNIVERSE, IT'S KATE AND SARAH, MOTHERFUCKER
SARAH: FUCK THE MILKY WAY, IT'S CUPCAKE LAND, MOTHERFUCKER˙

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Sarah's Adventures in Shopping

SARAH: Costco just called to tell me my contact lenses are in.
SARAH: Those bitches.
SARAH: I WAS JUST THERE
SARAH: I WAS JUST THERE, YOU FUCKERS
SARAH: DON'T TELL ME A WEEK WHEN IT'S A DAY AND A HALF
SARAH: They probably had them and were hiding them on purpose just to burn my biscuits
KATE: snerk
KATE: And does that really frost your butt?
SARAH: IT FROSTS MY BUTT
SARAH: AND GRINDS MY GEARS
SARAH: AND RAINS ON MY PARADE
SARAH: AND THERE'S A BEE IN MY BONNET AND A SNAKE IN MY BOOT
SARAH: OTHER OLD TIMEY PHRASES
KATE: You are too much.
SARAH: Don't act surprised.

Texts from Sarah

I almost just told the Comcast guy who came to the door that we don't believe in the internet.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Don't Fix It if It Ain't Broken, Folks

SARAH: Excuse me
KATE: Yes?
SARAH: but what the fuck is THIS shit?
KATE: Sacrilege. That's what that is.
SARAH: UNFUCKINGACCEPTABLE
SARAH: I just made up a word to tell you how horrible it is.
SARAH: I mean, people say that all the time
SARAH: but not all smashed together.
SARAH: MY ANGER SMASHES THINGS
KATE: It's bon mot, too. Exactly the right word.
KATE: Maybe you should put on the tiny shirt
KATE: So you can go hulk.
SARAH: Oh, I am so peeved right now.
SARAH: And then everyone is going to prance into B&N and act like this is the first Winnie the Pooh book ever
KATE: ugh
SARAH:"You know, the one with the otter?"
KATE: No, they'll call it a beaver
SARAH: and I would say "GO FUCK YOURSELF AND THE OTTER TOO"
KATE: Or like an elephant
SARAH: Or a badger
KATE: Honestly.
SARAH: They will call it a fucking badger
KATE: They don't know what badgers are.
SARAH: ARGH "Eeyore would have a more proactive role than in the originals...and Christopher Robin would return."
SARAH: NO
KATE: WHAT?
KATE: NO.
KATE: EEYORE IS PASSIVE.
SARAH: The reason eeyore is awesome is because he's such an asshole
SARAH: and hates EVERYTHING
SARAH: ARG
SARAH: SARAH SMASH ENGLAND
KATE: omg please do.
KATE: You will be Europe's Godzilla.
SARAH: YES
SARAH: I hope so.
SARAH: Fucking commies in England
SARAH: bastardizing Winnie the Pooh
KATE: Otter commies.
SARAH: I'm coming for you fuckers.
SARAH: Badger nazis!
KATE: That's what they are.