The International Economy is Not Prepared for Us

KATE: I'm going to buy you a present.
KATE: It's a pile of string.
KATE: Etsy is such a disaster sometimes.
SARAH: We should have an Etsy shop!
SARAH: We’d have to get some sort of video of us doing our singing and dancing and you know, jigging routine to prove that yes, the Unicorn Juice works wonders.
SARAH: And can help you sing and dance and jig.
SARAH: We should get B1 to pitch it. He would do a good job. 
SARAH: I mean, in case they don’t believe that it’s a miracle.
SARAH: Also, we’d have to hit the other people with sticks and when they hurt, we’d give them some Unicorn Juice. 
SARAH: That way, they would know that it’s real Unicorn Juice and not imitation Unicorn Juice.
KATE: Yes. Genius. Genius on all counts.

Snake Oil is for Amateurs

KATE: I'm having an awful day.
KATE: And I'm covered in hives.
STARSHINE: Drink some water!
SARAH: Starshine knows what’s up. 
SARAH: And that is: drink all the water and then you can cure all your pains.
SARAH: We should sell bottled water as a miracle cure. 
SARAH: I bet it would work, too. We could be traveling medicine ladies and we could both tell everyone how water has fixed us. 
SARAH: Well, maybe you shouldn’t talk now because you have hives. 
SARAH: But I could say that water healed me.
KATE: Genius. It can be the Starshine-Sarah-Kate traveling medicine show.
KATE: With a soundtrack by the Full-Out Criers.
SARAH: We are going to make like, a million dollars.
SARAH: Can we travel around in a wagon with panels that come down when you pull on a rope? I feel that is only appropriate.
KATE: Absolutely. And we need top hats, and sticks, because you can't have a medicine show without gesturing and hitting things with your walking stick.
KATE: What'll we call it?
SARAH: I don’t know. We will figure it out. We need to make a website like, stat.
SARAH: And maybe if we’re REALLY good, we can have an infomercial where I can just say “BUY THIS MIRACLE WATER IT WILL CURE EVERYTHING INCLUDING PREGNANCY I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW THAT WOULD WORK”
SARAH: Hmm…what should we call the magical miracle water?
KATE: Unicorn Juice.
SARAH: YES ABSOLUTELY YES
KATE: Unicorn Juice. Coming soon to a fairground and/or Target parking lot near you.

Hope You Got a Gift Receipt, or, Kate Doesn't Like Whales

KATE: Proofing a stupid brochure about humpback whales.
KATE: Stupid whales.
SARAH: Does everyone get one?
SARAH: Because I think they all should.
KATE: EVERYONE GETS A HUMPBACK WHALE!
KATE: And I'm so returning mine.
SARAH: Dude, maybe you could ride it places.
SARAH: Like you could ride it to London.
SARAH: Or maybe just outside of London.
SARAH: All you have to do is train the whale.
KATE: No. You know what I can ride to London? An airplane.
KATE: I am exchanging my whale for an airplane, bcause whales are just awful.
KATE: And airplanes, well, they're not great, but they're not too bad.
KATE: Though it would be pretty bad-ass to show up in Europe on the back of a whale.
KATE: No. Can't do it. They suck.
SARAH: But it would be so much cheaper to take the whale.
SARAH: All you would need is a wetsuit. And some sort of whale saddle.
KATE: No. N.O. I'm not doing it. I don't care.
KATE: I will save up and get a plane ticket and leave my whale in the garage.
SARAH: I don’t think the whale will fit in your garage.
SARAH: Unless you have an ocean in there.
SARAH: And if you do, that’s kind of amazing and you should probably tell someone about that.
SARAH: Also, I didn’t even know you HAD a garage.
SARAH: Thirdly – Hagrid’s buttcrack.