Sarah and the Middle Of Nature's Magnificence

SARAH: There is a town in Canada called Flin Flon.

SARAH: You know what, Canada? If you want us to treat you like a real place, you need to act like a real place. 

SARAH: Right?

LILO: “Flin Flon is a thriving mining community and vacationer’s destination nestled in the middle of nature's magnificence.”

SARAH: Canada is not real. It can't be. Because no normal human would tolerate this.

Guess Who's Back, Part IV

SARAH: There are quizzes at the end of the segments.  

SARAH: This one is a word search.  

SARAH: They aren't giving you the words.

SARAH: You have to fill in the blank and then find the word. That is...what. No. 

SARAH: I don't want to play this stupid game anymore, grandma.

SARAH: I just want to find dirty words, like "dicklicker."  

SARAH: Not words like "trust" and "recognition​."

SARAH: I did find the word "queef." I'm done.

KATE: Congratulations. You are now a manager.

Guess Who's Back, Part III

SARAH: Now on to the module about motivation.  

SARAH: They are saying that you need to give your employee the map and tell them the rules but let them get there themselves.  

SARAH: This is the photo of the map included on the slide.  

SARAH: THERE IS A POND WITH A DEAD FISH.

Guess Who's Back, Part II

SARAH: Oh, good, I GET TO TAKE A QUIZ

KATE: You are Mr. Manager.

SARAH: I am.  I am Mr. Manager and I will manage you SO HARD.

SARAH: Talking point on this slide: "Introduce new hire to their accountabilities."

SARAH: Like that's a person.  that you shake hands with.  

SARAH: It's like having a puppy.

SARAH: SOCIALIZE your new hire.  help them ADAPT to the new environment.

SARAH: They are talking about the millennials now.  

SARAH: They can open multiple tabs in Internet Explorer!  

SARAH: They can search for things AND listen to music!  

SARAH: They are highly educated and well informed!  

SARAH: THEY PLAY ANGRY BIRDS.

SARAH: YOU may even be a millenial, they said.  

SARAH: YOU COULD BE ONE TOO. THEY ARE AMONG US

Guess Who's Back, Part I

Editor's note: Sarah's a manager now. 

SARAH: Oh my god, I have to take this stupid management training thing.
SARAH: I can't even explain what's going on here.
SARAH: There's a lot of feedback in the narration--yes, it is narrated--and then there is this weird whistling music in the background.
SARAH: Right now they are defining what a manager is.
SARAH: And there is still elevator music going on.
SARAH: The music is different on every slide and it's making me insane. PICK SOME MUSIC AND GO WITH IT.
SARAH: Last slide of the presentation?
SARAH: "What is a manager?"
SARAH: "YOU ARE A MANAGER."

It's Been A While, But She's Just As Sarah As Ever

KATE: Oh, good. Google would like to remind me that Preserved Fetal Pigs Are On Sale.
KATE: On this same website, you can order live snakes.
KATE: By mail.
KATE: BEST IDEA EVER.
SARAH: Ew ew ew live snakes by mail ew
SARAH: I will never get the mail again.
SARAH: Also, those are damn cheap fetal pigs.
KATE: I laughed very loudly when I read that.
KATE: Hey B2, I think you should go get the mail today.
KATE: And tomorrow. And every day after that. Forever.
KATE: In case, you know, live snakes.
SARAH: Dude, you don't know.
SARAH: Maybe they ship it in a brown box with no other words on it. Like it's porn.
SARAH: Except it's scary-ass snakes.
KATE: You are amazing.
SARAH: Also, I expect everything sent to me to be labeled "MOST CERTAINLY NOT SNAKES."
SARAH: Otherwise I'm throwing it in the garbage.
SARAH: And if someone wrote MOST CERTAINLY NOT SNAKES but there were snakes in there?
SARAH: Bitch be DEAD.

More Valid Questions

SARAH: Maybe I will show up on Tuesday just to wow your friend.
SARAH: And you know, give him the best wedding present ever - my existence.
NEW MANFRIEND: Will your ego fit into your dress on Saturday?