Sarah Howser, MD and Revisionist

SARAH: If your doctor says that he can’t do anything else, you say thank you, you get your records and you see another doctor and you get answers.
SARAH: Did we give up after the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?  NO!
KATE: When exactly did the Germans bomb Pearl Harbor? 
KATE: I am laughing so hard I'm crying and the interns are staring at me.
SARAH: They bombed Pearl Harbor in 1857, because they had secret plane technology that we didn’t know about. 
SARAH: This before we even knew Hawaii existed.
SARAH: TRICKY GERMANS

Taxonomy 101 With Kate and Sarah

SARAH: I just ate about 4 pounds of melon, so I should be good for a while. 
SARAH:Until I turn into a melon. Then I will be sad.
KATE: What, like this? No offense, but if you turned into a melon that would give me great joy. At least for the first few minutes. And then I would be very, very, very sad.

SARAH: If I turned into a melon, I wouldn’t fit into my pants at all.
SARAH: Imagine a life when you are a pee-filled teapot and I’m a melon that can’t wear pants. IMAGINE THAT LIFE.
KATE: I can imagine that. You know why? Because it's already happening. 
KATE: Seriously, I am so filled with water right now that I am expanding beyond my pants.
SARAH:Maybe that’s your problem. Maybe you drink so much water that you have a giant water bubble in your stomach and someone needs to give you like, some sort of Heimlich maneuver to get that shit out.
KATE: I guess that's possible. But I can't be filled with water all the time. Part of that is just teapot. 
SARAH: Peepot.  YOU ARE A PEEPOT.
SARAH: I am the funniest person I have ever known in my entire life ever in the history of the world.

Sometimes Kate Hates Things Too

SARAH: (looking at a friend's wedding photos) I really love that dress. That’s the sort of dress that I think I want. Except I would look like a cow and not as delicate as she does.
KATE: You really have to be toothpick-thin to pull off a dress like that. I'd look like a cow in that dress, and while I may be puffing up I am not a cow in any way. So. Some dresses are just off limits to human women.
SARAH: Well, I am a cow. Even a precise one. Mooooooooooooo I say. Moooooooooooooooooooo.
KATE: You are not a cow. Stop mooing. The day is flying by. Be grateful. And stop mooing. And don't even think about replacing those moos with bleeps and bloops. I heard Owl City Saturday while I was driving around in a horrible mood yesterday and when he said "I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes" I nearly disconnected the radio and threw it through the windshield. Listen, you dumb shit. Nobody likes goodbyes. You're not special. You're just an asshole who likes to kill harmless insects. Get a job.

Sarah Solves Problems

KATE: Ugh I am all puffy and it is making me so sad. I wish I could just deflate myself.
SARAH: Would you like me to poke you with a pin? Then you will not feel so bloaty. I will deflate you!
KATE: Yes. Deflate me please. This is ridiculous. I looked in the mirror last night and didn't recognize myself, because I'm a balloon. So yes.
SARAH: Maybe someone should squeeze you and then all the air would come out. That’s a thought too.
KATE: Or pee would come out. That's more likely.
SARAH: If I squeezed you and pee came out, I would laugh. Then I would be sad because you peed on me, but clearly I would be asking for it.