The Office Awkwardness Continues

SARAH: Looking for things to do.
SARAH: Talking about Coworker K with food. That’s all I’ve been able to do.
SARAH: Talking about food. Loving talking about food.
KATE: You're probably talking about food with Coworker K. Not the other way around.
KATE: But I could be wrong.
SARAH: Nope – talking with food about Coworker K.
SARAH: It’s getting weird because I know that Coworker K can hear me and the food doesn’t care.

I'd Say That's Awkward.

SARAH: Things that are awkward: listening to Boss Lady argue with her husband about how he should stop smoking.
SARAH: She keeps on whisper-shouting, “I HAD COMPASSION FOR YOU BEFORE”
SARAH: Awkward turtle.
SARAH: She just hung up on him.
SARAH: Man, I am not jealous to not live in that house.

Blame Canada, Part III

KATE: I think you need to listen to some Dethklok tonight.
KATE: After all, there is a murder train a'comin'.
KATE: To Canada.
SARAH: The murder train is a’comin on the end of my fist.
SARAH: That’s right. I have murdertrains at the ends of my arms.
KATE: That's impressive but sounds a bit cumbersome.
KATE: Are they retractable?
SARAH: Only when I’m pleased.
SARAH: Which means it’s all murder trains, all the time.

Blame Canada, Part II

SARAH: I will tell you what my issue is.
SARAH: We have 3 programs (let’s call them programs A, B and C) that have been cancelled.
SARAH: So we sent out an email and it says, ‘Hey you damn Canadians, programs A, B, and C have been cancelled. Get rid of the materials. We aren’t doing that shiz.”
SARAH: So Canadian Archnemesis emails me and is all like, “What about program K? What about program R?”
SARAH: And I want to say WHAT DO YOU THINK?
SARAH: YOU TELL ME IF YOU THINK THAT THEY ARE CANCELLED EVEN THOUGH I DIDN’T MENTION THOSE.
KATE: It's ok. It's Friday, it's 3pm, and your week is almost over, and then you will haz Mexican foods and kissyfaces.
KATE: And vodka!
SARAH: I don’t haz Mexican or kissy faces until tomorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooooooow.
KATE: Sarah, I don't haz Mexican or kissyfaces EVER. So shut up.
KATE: You can wait 24 hours.
SARAH: 24 hours is a long-ass time and you know it.
SARAH: Especially when you’re going to explode from HATRED.

Blame Canada, Part I

SARAH: Canadians gon’ get shanked.
SARAH: Kill me. Just kill me.
KATE: Don't let the Canadians get you down.
KATE: You're the Vodka Queen!
SARAH: The Canadians are getting me down. They send me snotty emails.
SARAH: And by they, I mean only one dude.
SARAH: He is my archnemesis for a reason.
SARAH: You better believe I’m going to drink my face off tonight.

Sarah's Company Had a "Tailgate" "Party"

SARAH: I am going to slaughter the HR lady.
SARAH: I emailed her to tell her about who was on our flip cup team. 
SARAH: And I said, “Here’s the team roster:”
SARAH: Which she took to mean our team name. Our team name is Team Roster. 
SARAH: GO TEAM ROSTER.
KATE: That's...wow. Wow wow wow.
SARAH: That’s what I’m saying.  Apparently you don’t need to know words to work in HR.

Introducing: Flaky Cat Lady (Sarah Hates All Her Coworkers)

Where the hell is Ollie’s time machine? I need it to make this day over SHUT UP FLAKY CAT LADY

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND FULL OF VODKA, FLAKY CAT LADY, PICK UP YOUR FEET WHEN YOU WALK JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH

Introducing: Flour Face.

Flour Face is all ilke, “MY DAD HAS A GARDEN. MY DAD HAS APPLE TREES. MY DAD GROWS FRUIT.”

Fine. See if I bring you fuckers any fruit. You’ve lost your fruit privileges. I’m going to eat all the blueberries without you. I’m going to bring in a dozen blueberry muffins and eat them all myself. Whorebags.

And I’m going to shout ‘OH MAN, THESE MUFFINS ARE AMAZING. I WISH I HAD SOME FRIENDS TO SHARE THESE MUFFINS WITH”

Then I’ll sing the Jack Johnson sharing song about how it’s always more fun to share with everyone except I’ll change the words to “I WON’T SHARE WITH EVERYONE BECAUSE THEY ARE BITCHES BUT THEY DON’T HAVE TO BE, THEY JUST CHOOSE TO BE THAT WAY”

That might be too long though.

...Also, I just drooled all over my hand and I’m not sure how that happened. My mouth wasn’t even open, I don’t think.