And She's Still Talking.

BJ's not going to like this. It's true, though. It's because of his stupid hair.

Sarah's Back.

He is really hot. I can see why someone would want to have lots and lots of his beautiful babies. You have a lot of ridiculously good-looking friends. BJ is not one of them.

The Lovers: An Aside

SARAH: BJ is talking to me.
KATE: Aw.
KATE: He misses youuuuuu.
KATE: I think one time you should be really nice to him
KATE: Just to freak him out.

BJ: (quoted) So, until Thursday, Best of Sarah hadn't been updated in over a month. I thought maybe you had stopped being interesting. Or that the search & rescue team from whatever netherworld you call home had finally found you. Did you become interesting again, or have you escaped from your hellish and fetid prison?
KATE: Oh boy.
KATE: SEE? The people demand Sarah.
SARAH: (quoted) Any world that involves you is still a hellish and fetid prison so no, I have not escaped it.
SARAH: He does not know.
SARAH: He does not know the hell I can release upon him.
KATE: He must have some idea.

Some time later.

SARAH: BJ's facebook status is that I have swine flu and now I'm dead.
KATE: That YOU do?
SARAH: Yes.
KATE: Nice.
KATE: I hear wedding bells.
SARAH: Or death bells.
SARAH: Does death have bells?
KATE: Yes, because there is a death knell
SARAH: Excellent.
SARAH: BJ has shut up now that he thinks I'm dead from swine flu.
KATE: Did you tell him it was true?
SARAH: I didn't.
SARAH: But not talking to him probably makes him believe I'm dead.
KATE: You should tell him you're dead and in a few minutes you'll be undead.
SARAH: And even if I was a zombie, i wouldn't touch him.
SARAH: Because then he would bother me as an undead person too.
KATE: Brains?
SARAH: He would not eat my brains
SARAH: and I would never touch him...because he doesn't have brains.
KATE: It's going to be a beautiful ceremony.
SARAH: Sigh.

The Lovers, Reunited After Two Birthdays

BJ: So, you're one year closer to death now.
BJ: I had no idea that your birthday was so close to the High Holy Day that is my birthday.
SARAH: Well, my birthday is first because I am better.
BJ: ...
BJ: Your birthday is a week after mine.
SARAH: Mine is better.
BJ: By your own logic, I am better.
BJ: I have won this already.
SARAH: You can bite me, BJ.
BJ: I am the victor.
SARAH: You can just bite me.
BJ: I AM THE VICTOR.
SARAH: And no more fucking cupcakes for you.
BJ: =(
SARAH: HA
BJ: Kate will bake me cupcakes! You're not the boss of her!
SARAH: I'm not the boss of her, but I'm her housewife.
SARAH: and therefore...no.
SARAH: I win.
BJ: I am still the victor.
BJ: Never forget that.
SARAH: You are not.
SARAH: and I already have.
BJ: NEVER FORGET.
BJ: Then you hate America.
SARAH: Good, I do.
BJ: You hate Amer'ca.
SARAH: If you're america, that's terrible and yes, I totally hate it.
BJ: Terrorist.
SARAH: I don't think that i'm a terrorist. I'm just someone that dislikes you. A lot.
BJ: Terrorists never think that they're terrorists.

Sarah Plays Hipster Bingo

KATE: Nope, I only get the free square and the chuck ts.
KATE: Maybe it is accurate, Sarah.
KATE: Maybe you are a hipster.
SARAH: NO. I don't wanna be.
KATE: Maybe you and BJ are truly meant to be.
SARAH: NO. I DON'T WANNA BE LIKE BJ.
SARAH: Show him the hipster bingo.
SARAH: I'm surprised his head isn't on there somewhere.
SARAH: OH MAN, and I have a puffy down vest...
SARAH: KATE, I'm a hipster.
KATE: Yeah. You are.
SARAH: I'm no better than BJ.
KATE: Nope.
SARAH: I might have to go home and kill myself.
SARAH: Find someone else to feed the rats.

The Wedding Pool, Part III

BJ: IF KATE DIDN'T INDULGE YOU, YOU'D COME BY HER HOUSE LATE AT NIGHT DRUNK AND THROWING SHOES AND VODKA BOTTLES
SARAH: I am awesome and freaking sweet and you are none of those things. YOU CAN'T EVEN MAKE CUPCAKES.
BJ: Why bother? Other people make them for me!
SARAH: Yeah...not anymore.
BJ: Kate will still make me cupcakes, and I will tend fainting goats.
BJ: and you WON'T BE ALLOWED TO VISIT.
BJ: THERE WILL BE NO CUPCAKES AND NO GOATS FOR YOU SARAH

later.

SARAH: BJ, we both know that if we got into a fight, I would win. Because I eat meat.
SARAH: and that makes me stronger and better.
BJ: It makes you neither of those things. Plus, you're also a lush. And that makes me faster.
SARAH: I wasn't the one drunk on whiskey, okay?
BJ: And still I bested you.
SARAH: On what? What did you do?
BJ: Awesomeness. Yeah, I bested you real hard in the "Awesomeness" category.
BJ: Despite being drunk on whiskey.
SARAH: You know what? We need to assemble a panel of judges, and let them decide
SARAH: who is more awesomer.
BJ: They will name me.
BJ: Or we can just bug Kate about it. That'll be pretty good for a laugh.
BJ: But after lunch. I have to go eat now. Can't be this awesome without food.
SARAH: Yeah. Your weak little sad person food.
BJ: My awesome food. You shut up.

Aside: The Aftershocks of Sarah

BJ: KATE
KATE: Yes?
BJ: KAAAAAAAAAAATE. SARAH IS BEING MEAN TO ME ABOUT MY HAIR
KATE: This is between y'all. But that's not very nice. Did you insult her hair?
BJ: NO
KATE:Maybe you should.

minutes pass

BJ: Now she's saying you don't care about me. TELL HER YOU CARE, KATE. TELL HER!
KATE: I AM NOT INVOLVED. NOT. INVOLVED
KATE:But I will turn this Internet right around if you guys don't work it out.
BJ:This is going to be like Highlander.
KATE: I definitely believe that.
BJ: And Sarah is The Kurgan and will follow me through time wearing bad shoes and raping women.
BJ: until I kill her.
KATE: Probably.

The Wedding Pool, Part II (We Start to Notice a Trend)

BJ: Ain't nothing wrong with my haircut.
SARAH: Suuuuuuuuuuuure.
BJ: I HAVE TO GO WORK FOR A MINUTE BUT KATE SAYS YOU ARE MEAN AND THAT YOUR HAIR IS UGLY
SARAH: Well, I know that she didn't. Because she and I are hetero lifemates and you're just a stupidface. With stupid hair.
BJ: SUCK IT, NERD
SARAH: I think we both know I'm not a nerd. I don't play WoW.
SARAH: and I don't work on computers
SARAH: and most importantly, I'M NOT YOU.
BJ: WHICH IS WHY YOU AREN'T AWESOME
SARAH: Is there a Best of BJ blog? Well, there probably is, but it's about blowjobs.
BJ: haha
SARAH: but NO, you don't have a best of BJ blog because YOU ARE NOT AWESOME.
BJ: NO, IT'S BECAUSE I DON'T SHARE ALL OF MY INANE RAGE WITH KATE.
BJ: I AM BUSY DOING OTHER THINGS, AND I'M SURE KATE HAS THINGS SHE'D RATHER DO
SARAH: Because Kate doesn't care about you and your silly hipster rage.