On Second Thought, Stop Thinking.

SARAH: I love that we exist.
SARAH: Think of how sad the world would be if you and I weren’t big nerds and didn’t work at B&N and wear the same sweater one day. Think about it.
SARAH: Actually, don’t. It might make you throw yourself off a building because it’s such a sad thought.

I Also Have a Doctorate in Buttcracks.

SARAH: Thanks, MSN.
SARAH: It's ball science.
KATE: I'm not sure what it says about me, but you are not the first one of my friends to send me this.
SARAH: Apparently we know you have a thing for ball science.
SARAH: Weirdo.
KATE: I do not have a thing for "ball science," thank you very much.
KATE: I have a thing for science in general.
KATE: It's not my fault you people fixate on balls.
SARAH: It’s totes ball science.
SARAH: My Friend Kate, Ball Scientist.
SARAH: That has a nice ring to it

Texts from Sarah: Xavier School Edition

8:29am So far they've checked my passport twice
8:29am Like maybe I've changed since I got here.

8:30am Sarah, The Shapeshifter.
8:30am Don't tell.
8:30am If I could shapeshift, I'd totally be someone hotter than me.

Another Wild Night in Cupcake Land

KATE: (stepping out of the shower, calling down the stairs): Hey, I thought of something.
SARAH: What?
KATE: It's the dorkiest hypothetical question in human history. I mean it.
SARAH: What is it?
KATE: If I cast Lumos solem, would I break out in hives?

SARAH stands at the foot of the stairs, speechless.

KATE: Is it real sunlight? Like would the UV rays affect my immune system?
SARAH: You are not allowed to take showers anymore.

Sometimes I Just Wish She'd Say What She Meant

SARAH: I try to wrap my brain around WoW and I can't.
KATE: Me neither, dude.
KATE: It looks super tedious.
KATE: What *is* the appeal?
SARAH: The time where you decide that you would rather play a video game than HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE is the time you need to have your balls chopped off
SARAH: because clearly you won't ever use them again.
KATE: Ladies and gentlemen, my friend Sarah.
SARAH: Thank you, thank you.

You Want Me to Stay Up How Late?

KATE: zzzzzzzz
SARAH: I'm all hyped up over here.
KATE: Good, you can prop me up.
SARAH: KATE THIS IS HARRY POTTER YOU BETTER WAKE THE FUCK UP, WOMAN

Kate Frolics Among Her People

KATE: I am currently living on Nerd Island.
SARAH: I wonder if they make nerd disinfectant spray. 
SARAH: I'm going to have to buy it by the case.
 

Kate Goes to Poetry Camp, With Special Guest Tom the Manfriend!

TOM: Hey, at least you're not going LARPing.
TOM: I like your poetry, but when you say you're going to poetry camp I laugh and laugh.
KATE: Shut up. I'm cool.
KATE: I'm super cool.
KATE: I'm the coolest.
KATE: Shut up.
SARAH: You are so cool.
KATE: SO cool.
SARAH: But if you were LARPing, you'd be living in a box somewhere without me.
KATE: Good to know.
SARAH: I'd keep that shit on the DL.
KATE: What, poetry camp? Or LARPing?
SARAH: LARPing. I'd LARP your face,
SARAH: except it wouldn't be LARP
SARAH: It would be LAMFIYF
SARAH: (live action my fist in your face)

Never Thought I'd Be On a Cloud

SARAH: You really do love science and I really don't get science and we're like the odd couple or something, except not.
KATE: Here's the full video of "Partly Cloudy" (the Pixar short).
SARAH: Kate, that is not a link for Partly Cloudy, that's a link for nerd news. And you know how I feel about that.

It's Like Lord of the Flies, Except Everyone is Piggy

KATE: I'm getting nerdier, I'm sure of it.
SARAH: I wish there was some sort of vaccine.
KATE: Don't cure me!
KATE: I want to be a mutant.
SARAH: I want to save you from yourself!
SARAH: Otherwise we're going to have to start an all-new Australia,
SARAH: but instead of criminals, it will be nerds.

That's What Friends Are For.

KATE: Such good stuff happened in the world of science today!
KATE: Can I tell you one of them?
KATE: You won't care,
KATE: But it's kind of a big deal.
SARAH: Of course!
SARAH: You can always tell me whatever you want
SARAH: and I will always pretend to care.



incidentally, I was referring to this.

Sarah and The Face She Keeps in a Jar By the Door

SARAH: Whenever I hear "Eleanor Rigby," I feel like I should be stabbing someone.
KATE: ...why?
SARAH: I dunno.
KATE: Oh, because of the string part?
SARAH: Yeah. That's it.
KATE: I never thought of that before.
SARAH: stab stab stab stab
SARAH: I'll be sure to hum this the next time I go all murdery
SARAH: That can be my thing.
KATE: That is a great idea.
SARAH: I can't see how that would go wrong.
SARAH: Dude, I OWNED last night at Jeopardy.
KATE: What were the categories?
SARAH: I think there was something about fruit.
SARAH: There was a category called "i killed someone."
KATE: Wow. It was like Sarah Night on Jeopardy.

All Aboard the Bitch Bus

SARAH: Andre just dropped the key for the bathroom on the floor.
SARAH: I told him he's the reason we can't have nice things.
KATE: Ha.
SARAH: All aboard the Bitch Bus!
KATE: toot toot!
SARAH: No, I would totally have an airhorn on the Bitch Bus.
KATE: WHAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
SARAH: The Bitch Bus does not toot.
KATE: Mine would. Mine would be a Bitch Trolley,
KATE: with a little bell.
SARAH: ting ting!
KATE: Exactly.
SARAH: Your Bitch Trolley would roll peacefully through the town
KATE: and run people over. Adorably.
SARAH: whereas the Bitch Bus would drive around like the Knight Bus from Harry Potter,
SARAH: except it would actually hit things.

WoW, She's Brutal

SARAH: Kate, loving sick people is just like laughing that your ex-boyfriend is still kinda fat and was in a wedding for people who met on WoW. Yeah. That's right. And someone posted pictures from the wedding using the people's WoW names instead of their real people names. The real people names you use when you are real people.
SARAH: If I ever start playing WoW (no, I don't know why either) and I meet some boy on there, do not let me meet him. Unless he's really good-looking and smart and not awkward and makes me laugh. Although good-looking people do not play WoW. Look at my ex-boyfriend.  or BJ.
SARAH: Yeah, I went there.
KATE: Hey, it's better that they're marrying each other.
KATE: At least they're not in the dating pool.
SARAH: I suppose.
SARAH: No, they're not in the dating pool. They are in the WoW puddle.

Nerd Island? Yeah, We're There.

KATE: Can I be honest? I am still really f***ing proud of your Death Eater shirt. That was a labor of love.
SARAH: It's f***ing sweet.
KATE: Maybe you can wear it when we go to the premiere if you won't feel like a huge loser.
SARAH: Kate, we will be surrounded by losers.
KATE: HA!
KATE: TRUE.
KATE: I have to find my radish earrings.