Sarah and the Massachusetts Dog Company

SARAH: Okay, there is some place called the "Massachusetts Dog Company."
SARAH: What sort of a place does that sound like to you?
KATE: A sewer?
SARAH: Right. Or a place where you would buy used dogs.
KATE: Ew.
KATE: Jack is a used dog. Used and ruined.
SARAH: RUINED. He is ruined for sure.
SARAH: But no, they are a place that has people that come to your house when you're out of town to walk your dog or whatever.
KATE: Wow. That's a terrible name for that company.
SARAH: I know, right?

SARAH: Continuing the weirdness:
SARAH: There's some community out in Long Island for old people
SARAH: and it's a "secure memory impairment neighborhood."
SARAH: And what the f*** is that about?
KATE: Well, that makes sense.
KATE: They built it so old gramps can't wander out into the world.
KATE: It's like a big cage for old people.
SARAH: In the ad is an old lady looking at a photo album
SARAH: and I thought, "She probably doesn't even know that's her grandkid."

WoW, She's Brutal

SARAH: Kate, loving sick people is just like laughing that your ex-boyfriend is still kinda fat and was in a wedding for people who met on WoW. Yeah. That's right. And someone posted pictures from the wedding using the people's WoW names instead of their real people names. The real people names you use when you are real people.
SARAH: If I ever start playing WoW (no, I don't know why either) and I meet some boy on there, do not let me meet him. Unless he's really good-looking and smart and not awkward and makes me laugh. Although good-looking people do not play WoW. Look at my ex-boyfriend.  or BJ.
SARAH: Yeah, I went there.
KATE: Hey, it's better that they're marrying each other.
KATE: At least they're not in the dating pool.
SARAH: I suppose.
SARAH: No, they're not in the dating pool. They are in the WoW puddle.

Ollie May Be a Demon But I Almost Feel Sorry for Him

Ollie didn't come home until 1 AM and so my mom gave him a talking to this morning and told him that he was not allowed to be out that late. I think she thinks this works. I tell her to talk to the cat for my own personal amusement.

When she talks to Ollie, she picks him up and sort of shakes him around and he is too busy looking for food. Because he's a fatass. Also, he ate his way into a bag of dog food last night.

Sarah and the Hamburgers of Hatred

SARAH: So I'm thinking of all the things that we might be having for dinner tonight, and $5 says it's hot dogs and hamburgers, because that's the default food in my house. When my mom doesn't know what to make, that's what she makes. Not pasta. Not something logical. F***ing hotdogs and hamburgers.
SARAH: and it makes me SO MAD
SARAH: and for that reason, cookouts make me annoyed.
KATE: Why does it make you mad?
SARAH: Well, to make hot dogs and hamburgers, you have to go to the store and get rolls.
SARAH: like...if you're going GET SOMETHING TO EAT...
SARAH: Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
KATE: I would just like you to know
KATE: That in my head what you're typing is being read by Lewis Black.
SARAH: YESSSSSSSSS
KATE: Lots of fist-waving.
SARAH: I don't think it's good for anyone to eat that much processed meat.
SARAH: But it doesn't bother anyone,
SARAH: except me.
SARAH: And I'm like F***ING GODDAMN HOTDOGS
SARAH: I DON'T WANT TO EAT THESE
SARAH: but...if I go out, I'll have a hamburger.
SARAH: I just don't want it to come from my house.
KATE: Those are the hamburgers of hatred.
SARAH: Okay, time to go home!
SARAH: Where there will hopefully not be hot dogs and hamburgers
SARAH: because otherwise, sh** is getting broken.

Sarah in Desperate (and Not So Desperate) Times

ACHILLES: So you're saying I'm evil?
SARAH: Are you saying you're not?
ACHILLES: I asked first.
SARAH: If you eat babies, then yes, you're evil.
SARAH: Babies are for shaking, not for eating.
ACHILLES: Well, you said I ate babies.
SARAH: Because you said that I eat babies and we both know that's not true!
SARAH: Because I bet babies are like veal and I don't like veal.

KATE: The two of you together are bad news. Babies will die.
SARAH: I wouldn't eat my own baby! Jesus!
SARAH: Kate, I'm not a barbarian.
KATE: ha!
SARAH: I would only eat other people's babies.
KATE: Well, good.
SARAH: And only if they were really annoying and we were stuck on a desert island and there was no hope of rescue.
KATE: You'd do it for fun. Don't lie.


BEST OF SARAH POLL

I believe that Sarah would eat a baby.
1. Only in desperate circumstances
2. If it looked at her funny
3. Never
4. I believe she already has

Sarah, The Nice Girl

SARAH: I have to be difficult with things? You only want complicated cupcakes?
ACHILLES: Yes. Sorry.
SARAH: I don't have to make you anything AT ALL.
SARAH: I CHOOSE to make you things because I'M A NICE GIRL.
SARAH: note to self: saying you are a nice girl in shouty tones does not make you a nice girl.
KATE: Oh, come on. If it's loud it must be true.

Nerd Island? Yeah, We're There.

KATE: Can I be honest? I am still really f***ing proud of your Death Eater shirt. That was a labor of love.
SARAH: It's f***ing sweet.
KATE: Maybe you can wear it when we go to the premiere if you won't feel like a huge loser.
SARAH: Kate, we will be surrounded by losers.
KATE: HA!
KATE: TRUE.
KATE: I have to find my radish earrings.