Sarah Follows the News

SARAH: People.com says that Tiger Woods' mistress didn't know that he had a wife.
SARAH: He is Tiger Woods. Everyone knows he has a wife.
KATE: Honestly.
SARAH: Next she is going to say that she didn't know he played golf.

Sarah is Everyone's Favorite Neighbor

SARAH: There's now lots of children shouting and running outside.
SARAH: Not sure why that's going on.
SARAH: WHY ARE THERE CHILDREN?
SARAH: They sound so joyful.
KATE: GO TO SCHOOL, CHILDREN.
SARAH: SRSLY. GO, AND STOP RUNNING.
SARAH: I WILL COME OUT THERE AND BEAT YOU WITH GARBAGE.
KATE: Please please do.
SARAH: Stand still, child. I would like to beat you. With our garbage.

Call Up the Team

SARAH: You know how there's that urban myth that cows can't go down stairs?
KATE: Yes.
SARAH: I am about to prove that cows can in fact go down stairs.
SARAH: Bring Mythbusters in.
KATE: Hahaha you are not a cow.
SARAH: Call Mythbusters! I've done it again!
KATE: You're ridiculous.
SARAH: Happens.

Sarah Loves Everybody

SARAH: My status message this morning was "getting a BA in housewivery"
SARAH: And stupid ex-boyfriend IMs me and he's like "Where do you get that from?"
KATE: WOWWWWWW.
SARAH: I hate you.
SARAH I hate you, ex boyfriends.
SARAH: ALL OF YOU, I HATE YOU ALL.
SARAH: And now you have a Best of Sarah update.
SARAH: You're welcome.

Sometimes I Just Wish She'd Say What She Meant

SARAH: I try to wrap my brain around WoW and I can't.
KATE: Me neither, dude.
KATE: It looks super tedious.
KATE: What *is* the appeal?
SARAH: The time where you decide that you would rather play a video game than HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE is the time you need to have your balls chopped off
SARAH: because clearly you won't ever use them again.
KATE: Ladies and gentlemen, my friend Sarah.
SARAH: Thank you, thank you.

Sarah Lays Down the Law, Part II

SARAH: Muffins can be purchased almost anywhere. But cupcakes?
KATE: Very special.
SARAH: You have to go to someplace special to get a good cupcake.
KATE: Damn straight.
SARAH: Jesus, we're impressive.
KATE: We really are.
KATE: What's up liberal arts!
SARAH: Or I am and you're just agreeing with me so I don't have a complete breakdown when you tell me this is just crazytalk.
SARAH: This can be the boy screening process. I can say...hey, which do you like more, cupcakes or muffins?
SARAH: And if they say muffins, they are out.
KATE: Devious.
SARAH: So out.
SARAH: Or if they said that they liked banana cupcakes
SARAH: Those fuckers won't know what hit them.
KATE: The door
KATE: on the ass.
SARAH: Home to the bed.
KATE: Put 'em in the clink.

Sarah Lays Down the Law, Part I

SARAH: A relationship that nobody's calling a relationship is like a cupcake without frosting. What the fuck is the point?
KATE: I know. It seems like it should work but it never will.
SARAH: He's a fucking muffin, apparently.
SARAH: I want to be a cupcake, he wants to be a muffin.
SARAH: This is a good analogy.
KATE: I like it!
SARAH: I should just shout at him "CUPCAKE OR MUFFIN, ACHILLES. CUPCAKE OR FUCKING MUFFIN."
KATE: Omg please do.
KATE: Out of nowhere.
SARAH: It's cupcake or muffin. You're with someone or you're not.
SARAH: You can be the dessert everyone craves...or a breakfast time thing possibly filled with bran
KATE: Ew.
KATE: Bran.
SARAH: That's why you don't want to be a muffin.
KATE: But the point is you should know what you want to make before you make it, no?
KATE: Like you don't start making cupcakes and decide halfway through, "oh, these are muffins."
SARAH: Yes, you have to know if you're making cupcakes or muffins before you start.
SARAH: because cupcakes and muffins are so different.
SARAH: You'[re going to piss people off if you tell them you're making cupcakes and give them muffins.
KATE: Dude, no kidding.
KATE: I'd be pissed.
SARAH: You can scrape off the frosting, but it's still there
KATE: All soggy.
SARAH: I don't know if this makes us brilliant or insane.
KATE: Definitely both.
SARAH: But it works.