Thursday, August 19, 2010
Texts from Sarah: Vacation Edition
I am telling you this because you are my soupsnake - my parents are arguing about what is the best way to wipe one's ass.
Sarah Slammed Her Finger in a Door. It Got Gross.
SARAH: Grosssssssssssssss finger. It’s fascinating.
SARAH:I can’t look away. Honestly, I can’t.
KATE: You are so funny with Gross Finger. I mean, obviously I'm sorry that it hurts and is gross, but your fascination with it is fascinating to me.
SARAH: I can’t help it. it’s so interesting and totally gross. Like…who expects that?
SARAH: It’s kind of like when my dad joins the HSA.* It’s gross, but I cannot look away.
SARAH: I come from a weird family.
SARAH: I say that like maybe MAYBE you haven’t realized that yet and think that everything that goes down in my family is normal.
*The HSA, or Home Surgery Association, is what it's called when Sarah's father takes a drill to a swollen finger, or a screwdriver to a busted tooth...usually his own, but not exclusively.
SARAH:I can’t look away. Honestly, I can’t.
KATE: You are so funny with Gross Finger. I mean, obviously I'm sorry that it hurts and is gross, but your fascination with it is fascinating to me.
SARAH: I can’t help it. it’s so interesting and totally gross. Like…who expects that?
SARAH: It’s kind of like when my dad joins the HSA.* It’s gross, but I cannot look away.
SARAH: I come from a weird family.
SARAH: I say that like maybe MAYBE you haven’t realized that yet and think that everything that goes down in my family is normal.
*The HSA, or Home Surgery Association, is what it's called when Sarah's father takes a drill to a swollen finger, or a screwdriver to a busted tooth...usually his own, but not exclusively.
The Chain Gang Don't Take Kindly to All This Talk of Shanking
Think of where I would be if it weren’t for you. IN PRISON, that is where.
The Romance, Rekindled
SARAH: I’m not totally heartless when it comes to BJ.
SARAH: I just hate his existence.
SARAH: And he has stupid hair.
SARAH: I just hate his existence.
SARAH: And he has stupid hair.
Suck It, Evolution
Kate, it really is amazing that you are still alive. Even more amazing than the fact that I am still alive. Survival of the fittest ain’t got shit on us. Or something.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
If You Liked It Then You Should Have Asked to See a Dessert Menu
SARAH: When I was in the bathroom washing my hands, I got a hardcore craving for a NY strip steak. HEY BOYS. BUY ME STEAK.
SARAH: Isn’t it nice to see that life is cyclical? We may have thought that I have grown, but no. I’m still putting out for steak.
SARAH: And mashed potatoes.
KATE: HA. That's right. Your body is a precious commodity. Don't give it up for just any dinner. Make sure there are mashed potatoes too.
SARAH: Listen, if they want some, they better pony up for mashed potatoes with my steak.
SARAH: And I want a salad too.
SARAH: And some vodka drinks.
SARAH: I’m too good for anyone that cannot afford those things.
SARAH: Isn’t it nice to see that life is cyclical? We may have thought that I have grown, but no. I’m still putting out for steak.
SARAH: And mashed potatoes.
KATE: HA. That's right. Your body is a precious commodity. Don't give it up for just any dinner. Make sure there are mashed potatoes too.
SARAH: Listen, if they want some, they better pony up for mashed potatoes with my steak.
SARAH: And I want a salad too.
SARAH: And some vodka drinks.
SARAH: I’m too good for anyone that cannot afford those things.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)