KATE: (stepping out of the shower, calling down the stairs): Hey, I thought of something.
SARAH: What?
KATE: It's the dorkiest hypothetical question in human history. I mean it.
SARAH: What is it?
KATE: If I cast Lumos solem, would I break out in hives?
SARAH stands at the foot of the stairs, speechless.
KATE: Is it real sunlight? Like would the UV rays affect my immune system?
SARAH: You are not allowed to take showers anymore.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Crisis, Continued
KATE: I should tell you, I get away with a lot more as a redhead than I ever did as a blonde-ish person.
KATE: But that's probably because my red hair gives me the attitude to try more.
KATE: People expect gingers to be trouble. I'm just doing my job.
SARAH: And maybe I’m just doing my job.
SARAH: My job of being AWESOME LIKE TOTALLY.
SARAH: Save me. Save me from myself.
KATE: But that's probably because my red hair gives me the attitude to try more.
KATE: People expect gingers to be trouble. I'm just doing my job.
SARAH: And maybe I’m just doing my job.
SARAH: My job of being AWESOME LIKE TOTALLY.
SARAH: Save me. Save me from myself.
Sartre Had Similar Issues
SARAH: I want chili. I most certainly do not want my rice and veggies for lunch. But I’m going to eat it. I’m going to eat it and be pissed with every bite.
SARAH: I basically loathe every human being I have seen since I woke up.
SARAH: Did I add that I am having an existential hair crisis?
SARAH: I couldn’t figure out if I was blonde or not. Which means that I’m really actually a blonde.
SARAH: But I know about existentialism. Which makes me not blonde.
SARAH: And as you can see, I’m back at the crossroads of my life.
KATE: You're blonde. Trust me on this one. I learned my colors in school. I was good at it.
SARAH: Kate, if I ever wasn’t a blonde, I might end it.
SARAH: Because my entire existence is based on the fact that I am blonde. Not Barbie blonde, but I’m blonde.
SARAH: And if ever I were not to be, I wouldn’t know how to act.
SARAH: As opposed to now, when I just don’t know how to act for the sake of not knowing how to act.
KATE: Since when has your existence been based on the fact that you're blonde?
KATE: What the hell kind of existence is that?
SARAH: It’s my blonde existence! It’s the existence I’ve had for 25 years.
SARAH: It’s based on the fact that because I have blonde hair, I can do whatever I want. And you know, make unreasonable demands.
SARAH: It is my blonde existence!
SARAH: I do not have to justify it to you (mostly because I cannot)!
A few minutes later
SARAH: Besides, if I had hair like BJ’s or something, I would have already thrown myself off a cliff. Because that is stupid hair.
KATE: I'm still having trouble wrapping my brain around the idea that your hair color is what justifies unreasonable demands. I thought you just made them because you could.
KATE: If you were a brunette you could do the same thing.
SARAH: But would anyone listen to me? No. They would not.
SARAH: Then I would just seem like I was being picky about things. It seems more conniving when you’re blonde.
SARAH: I’m just making shit up at this point, you know that, right? Like, I don’t even believe what I’m saying.
A few minutes later
SARAH: Or maybe I do.
A few minutes later
SARAH: Perhaps I don’t.
SARAH: I basically loathe every human being I have seen since I woke up.
SARAH: Did I add that I am having an existential hair crisis?
SARAH: I couldn’t figure out if I was blonde or not. Which means that I’m really actually a blonde.
SARAH: But I know about existentialism. Which makes me not blonde.
SARAH: And as you can see, I’m back at the crossroads of my life.
KATE: You're blonde. Trust me on this one. I learned my colors in school. I was good at it.
SARAH: Kate, if I ever wasn’t a blonde, I might end it.
SARAH: Because my entire existence is based on the fact that I am blonde. Not Barbie blonde, but I’m blonde.
SARAH: And if ever I were not to be, I wouldn’t know how to act.
SARAH: As opposed to now, when I just don’t know how to act for the sake of not knowing how to act.
KATE: Since when has your existence been based on the fact that you're blonde?
KATE: What the hell kind of existence is that?
SARAH: It’s my blonde existence! It’s the existence I’ve had for 25 years.
SARAH: It’s based on the fact that because I have blonde hair, I can do whatever I want. And you know, make unreasonable demands.
SARAH: It is my blonde existence!
SARAH: I do not have to justify it to you (mostly because I cannot)!
A few minutes later
SARAH: Besides, if I had hair like BJ’s or something, I would have already thrown myself off a cliff. Because that is stupid hair.
KATE: I'm still having trouble wrapping my brain around the idea that your hair color is what justifies unreasonable demands. I thought you just made them because you could.
KATE: If you were a brunette you could do the same thing.
SARAH: But would anyone listen to me? No. They would not.
SARAH: Then I would just seem like I was being picky about things. It seems more conniving when you’re blonde.
SARAH: I’m just making shit up at this point, you know that, right? Like, I don’t even believe what I’m saying.
A few minutes later
SARAH: Or maybe I do.
A few minutes later
SARAH: Perhaps I don’t.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Sarah Does What She's Told (an e-mail from Sarah)
ME: I don't understand this.
SNOTTY SUPERVISOR: What don’t you understand?
ME: Like, all of it.
SNOTTY SUPERVISOR: Write down what you don’t understand.
So I took a piece of paper and wrote “everything.”
SNOTTY SUPERVISOR: What don’t you understand?
ME: Like, all of it.
SNOTTY SUPERVISOR: Write down what you don’t understand.
So I took a piece of paper and wrote “everything.”
Sarah Anticipates Her Family Vacation
A week from now, I’ll be drinking vodka and reading on a beach. A WEEK. I can do this. I can work through this week to get to the vodka on the other side.
I’m like the chicken that crossed the road, except I’m Sarah, and I exploded all the shit in my way to get to the end of the week. And the vodka.
I’m like the chicken that crossed the road, except I’m Sarah, and I exploded all the shit in my way to get to the end of the week. And the vodka.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy
Kate. Kate. I love you so bad I want to pee.
I don’t know what those two thoughts have to do with each other, but know this: loving you so much I have to pee is the greatest compliment I can give.
I don’t know what those two thoughts have to do with each other, but know this: loving you so much I have to pee is the greatest compliment I can give.
Texts from Sarah: 4:33 on a Thursday
SARAH: That-
SARAH: Kate.
SARAH: Boss Lady is singing The Thong Song.
SARAH: Jesus Christmas, what is going on here?
SARAH: Kate.
SARAH: Boss Lady is singing The Thong Song.
SARAH: Jesus Christmas, what is going on here?
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