Sarah Loves Cadbury

Just ate a Cadbury caramel egg and there might have been foil stuck on it and I might have eaten it anyway…but you can’t prove it

Sarah Has a Bad Day

SARAH: Well, I went to the dermatologist this morning because I was like, WHY DOES MY FACE LOOK LIKE ASS?
SARAH: And she said, I DON'T KNOW, PUT THIS CREAM ON IT
SARAH: And I don't feel well
SARAH: And also, rain

Sarah Loves Doctors (and Doctors LOVE Sarah)

SARAH: I'm at the dermatologist's!
SARAH: And I will say, "Why does my face look so terrible?"
SARAH: And she will say, "Well, Sarah, you've got a nasty case of the assface"

She's Back in the Game.

SARAH: Now I know why the website is okcupid and not okaycupid.
SARAH: Because adding the "ay" would be too many letters for some of these people to process.
SARAH: I am way too good for this website.
SARAH: And no, it's not lonely up here on my pedestal by myself.
SARAH: Sweet Jesus in heaven these people should not be allowed keyboards
SARAH: Or computers
SARAH: Or even a Speak and Spell.

Achilles Has a New Girlfriend...Or So He Claims.

ACHILLES: Pretty much any girl who was nice to me and threw herself on me would have succeeded.
SARAH: Men can be so picky sometimes.

Achilles Has No Hair. Sarah Is Very Sympathetic.

SARAH: Achilles and I are arguing…about why I wear makeup to work.
SARAH: I bet he’s jealous. He wants to feel like a pretty pretty princess too. SARAH: He’s jealous of my long hair.
SARAH: I should brush it next time he’s around and shout MAN THIS IS AWESOME I LOVE HAVING HAIR

How About A Tea Party in Your Trousers?

SARAH: ANTS IN MY PANTS, GET OUT.
SARAH: THIS IS NO PLACE FOR AN ANT FARM.
KATE: Sarah is the #1 exporter of snot rockets from the nation of Kate.
KATE: I just did it again. Or rather, you just made me do it again.
KATE: You're right, though. Get out of there, ants.
SARAH: Seriously, I don’t even know how the ants got in there.
SARAH: I am not having a picnic in my pants.