Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
We Should Not Own Such Large Water Bottles.
Why do we drink so much water? I bet it's because we have diabetes. Or I have diabetes. You're probably just thirsty.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Introducing: Flaky Cat Lady (Sarah Hates All Her Coworkers)
Where the hell is Ollie’s time machine? I need it to make this day over SHUT UP FLAKY CAT LADY
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND FULL OF VODKA, FLAKY CAT LADY, PICK UP YOUR FEET WHEN YOU WALK JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND FULL OF VODKA, FLAKY CAT LADY, PICK UP YOUR FEET WHEN YOU WALK JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH
Sarah Has a Drinking Problem, Part II
I have been amazing today.
Also, I have drank so much water today that I can switch to vodka when I get home. I like my justification of things. I don’t need anyone to try to convince me otherwise. Drinking water all day allows you to drink vodka all night. Or at least until you pass out. One or the other. Something like that.
OMG TIME PLZ TO MOVE FORWARD.
Also, I have drank so much water today that I can switch to vodka when I get home. I like my justification of things. I don’t need anyone to try to convince me otherwise. Drinking water all day allows you to drink vodka all night. Or at least until you pass out. One or the other. Something like that.
OMG TIME PLZ TO MOVE FORWARD.
Sarah Has a Drinking Problem
SARAH: 2 big bottles of water down. Totes going to pee myself.
SARAH: Fact - I have gone pee so many times today that I forgot how to wash my hands.
SARAH: Really.
SARAH: I went to the bathroom, went to the sink, got my hands wet…and then stood there for a moment, thinking about what my next action should be. So I got some paper towels to dry off my hands and I realized that I forgot soap. So I got my hands all wet all over again and used soap this time and then dried them off.
SARAH: Do not let me drink so much water during the day JESUS HOW IS IT ONLY 4 PM WHY IS TIME STANDING STILL
KATE: It's official. You have drowned your brain.
SARAH: Fact - I have gone pee so many times today that I forgot how to wash my hands.
SARAH: Really.
SARAH: I went to the bathroom, went to the sink, got my hands wet…and then stood there for a moment, thinking about what my next action should be. So I got some paper towels to dry off my hands and I realized that I forgot soap. So I got my hands all wet all over again and used soap this time and then dried them off.
SARAH: Do not let me drink so much water during the day JESUS HOW IS IT ONLY 4 PM WHY IS TIME STANDING STILL
KATE: It's official. You have drowned your brain.
The Magic of Turfucken
SARAH: When I laugh, it hurts my back.
SARAH: My back is all sorts of fucken broken.
SARAH: Turfucken.
SARAH: That’s never not going to be funny.
SARAH: My back is all sorts of fucken broken.
SARAH: Turfucken.
SARAH: That’s never not going to be funny.
Editor's Note: Turfucken.
We made up a new word. A disgruntled e-mail arrived and included the phrase "fucken politics." We decided that "fucken" was a combination of "fuck" and "chicken." We then decided that it was like a turducken, which is a duck inside a chicken inside a turkey. And then we invented "turfucken." And then we realized we needed to be able to use "turfucken" in a sentence, so here it is:
"Oh, I would, but I'm not up turfucken tonight."
"Oh, I would, but I'm not up turfucken tonight."
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