And God Help You If It Isn't Seedless.

SARAH: New Manfriend just told me he’s going to the store tomorrow to get things for his birthday.
SARAH: He wanted to know what else I wanted – other than the pancakes he's going to make me.
SARAH: On his birthday.
SARAH: Oh you, New Manfriend. Don’t ask me questions like that.
SARAH: I’ll demand an entire watermelon.

NSF: Bankrolling Beatings Since 2010

KATE: Look at this.
KATE: Look at the picture on the left.
KATE: Then scroll to the bottom of the page and look at the title of the ACADEMIC PAPER.
SARAH: What is going on here?
SARAH: Does the world only exist inside our heads?

The Lexicon Continues to Expand

SARAH: Do you know what a road soder is?
STARSHINE: I do not.
SARAH: A road soder (soda) is a beer.
SARAH: It's a joke in my family.
STARSHINE: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
SARAH: Going on a long drive? TAKE A ROAD SODER!
SARAH: FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO DRIVE.
STARSHINE: Road soders are good when you're on the train!
SARAH: Oh, Starshine.
SARAH: Those are train soders.

Pop Music, AKA Traumatic Brain Injury

SARAH: I've had Ke$ha stuck in my head ALL DAY over here.
SARAH: It’s much more fun in your head than mine, I think.
SARAH: BLOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
SARAH: Duke ran into the wall yesterday.
SARAH: I know how he feels.

She Has a Point (Texts to/from Sarah)

KATE: I'm walking directly behind the human version of Bender Bending Rodriguez.
KATE: Bald head, heavy boots, weirdly dressed, weirdly muscular, smoking a cigar.


























SARAH: Was his butt moving without him?
SARAH: Wait a minute.
SARAH: How do you know it wasn't Flexo?

As Crime Coiffure Goes, I Guess That's Pretty Efficient.

KATE: Check this out.
KATE: They're calling this guy the Mullet Bandit.

SARAH: It’s workday in the front, bank robbin’ in the back!

Oh, the Crushing.

SARAH: Made the mistake of telling New Manfriend about my demand for nachos.
SARAH: He says that he’s now ready for that and that won’t scare him off.
SARAH: Damn it.
SARAH: Now I’m going to have to whip out the big guns.
SARAH: I wonder what’s the weirdest thing that I could say to make him leave the table.
SARAH: I don’t really want him to. I just want to see where the line is.
KATE: If you frighten him away and/or crush him like a walnut on purpose you don't get to complain that nobody likes you.
KATE: Just putting that out there.
KATE: Somebody is making cat noises in the hall.
KATE: It had better be a person. The alternative is too horrifying to contemplate.
SARAH: He’s too big to be a walnut.
SARAH: Just saying.
SARAH: Sometimes I don’t do things on purpose.
SARAH: Sometimes. SOMETIMES.
SARAH: CAT IN THE HALLWAY. CAT IN THE HALLWAY
SARAH: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand it's punchy o'clock.
SARAH: How do I know? I just checked my watch.
SARAH: And by watch, I mean e-mail.