It's Not Just Sarah (Texts From Sarah)

My dad was just wandering around the kitchen singing "Toot toot! Uh-huh. Beep beep! Uh-huh"

We Don't Even Need Twitter Anymore (Texts From Sarah)

#killingit
#fancyladies
#withfancyfaces

Sarah Loves Doctors (and Doctors LOVE Sarah)

SARAH: I'm at the dermatologist's!
SARAH: And I will say, "Why does my face look so terrible?"
SARAH: And she will say, "Well, Sarah, you've got a nasty case of the assface"

The Pits of Freedom Saga: The First Solution

EDITOR'S NOTE: The "prescription" turned out to be "wear men's deodorant." The first prescription, that is. Read on...

SARAH: I'm in the deodorant aisle trying to pick out a boy deodorant.
KATE: That's awesome! You should get some Old Spice.
KATE: Then you'd no longer be sweaty.
KATE: You'd also be on a horse.
SARAH: This deodorant claims to smell like ice, wind, and freedom.
SARAH: How can something smell like ice?
SARAH: Wait a minute. Freedom?
KATE: Maybe it smells like free ice?



SARAH: I'm totally buying this.
SARAH: I'm going to have Ice Pits.

Texts from Sarah: Xavier School Edition

8:29am So far they've checked my passport twice
8:29am Like maybe I've changed since I got here.

8:30am Sarah, The Shapeshifter.
8:30am Don't tell.
8:30am If I could shapeshift, I'd totally be someone hotter than me.

Texts from Sarah: Sarah Goes Abroad!

8:23am Pretty sure there are hobos trying to get on this flight.
8:23am Does Canada allow hobos?

8:24am They're either hobos or hipsters.
8:24am That can be the new game!

Texts from Sarah: 4:33 on a Thursday

SARAH: That-
SARAH: Kate.
SARAH: Boss Lady is singing The Thong Song.
SARAH: Jesus Christmas, what is going on here?

Texts from Sarah: Vacation Edition

I am telling you this because you are my soupsnake - my parents are arguing about what is the best way to wipe one's ass.

Texts from Sarah: Demon Cat Edition

Ollie is rolling in the grass and every time he rolls I hear a squeaking sound...I'm pretty sure he's crushing a field mouse to death with his fat ass.

Texts from Sarah: Rush Hour Edition

I need a vanity plate that says HATEU

This Cat Has No Fashion Sense, Either

4:01pm Ollie's big fat ass makes it look like he's wearing parachute pants.

This Cat Doesn't Even Speak Spanish!

3:40pm I just shouted COMPRENDE MUCHACHO at Ollie
3:40pm He did not comprende
3:43pm And now he's trying to cough up a hairball

Texts from Sarah

I almost just told the Comcast guy who came to the door that we don't believe in the internet.