How's That For a Mental Picture?

SARAH: I'm looking at new mattresses online. Mine is a twin.
KATE: Ah. Yeah, that's itty bitty.
SARAH: It's hard to have sexytimes in - just in case you wanted to know.
SARAH: I mean, in college my bed was against the wall, so it was better,
SARAH: but now my bed is in the middle of the room and you can fall out of bed AT ANY MOMENT during sexytimes.
KATE: Not so good.
SARAH: Someone is going to f***ing get hurt
SARAH: also get hurt f***ing.
KATE: I was going to say that.
SARAH: Charming and classy ladies,
SARAH: right f***ing here.

We're All Class Over Here

They are printing our business cards and we will have them on Friday. And then I can flash them around, and say THIS IS HOW YOU GET ME WHEN YOU NEED ME BECAUSE I AM FANCY AND IMPORTANT. And I could give them to boys. You know, in case they needed my "services." My "media planning and buying" services.

Na na na na na na na na naaaaaaa Rivers Cuomo, We Blame You For This

KATE: We could get cupcake magnets for the fridge!
SARAH: We could MAKE cupcake magnets.
KATE: We COULD.
SARAH: ARTS AND F***ING CRAFTS, MOTHERF***ER

Tyrannosaurus Sarah

SARAH: If I was still dating Achilles and he brought me a cupcake from the Magnolia Bakery,
SARAH: it would be a very very good night in his life
SARAH: but since i DON'T date him
SARAH: I'm just going to emotionally abuse him for a while.
KATE: Sarah, I love you.
KATE: You are some kind of monster.
SARAH: a CUPCAKE-EATING, MAN-CRUSHING MONSTER
KATE: That's the one.

It's From PB&J Otter, Okay?

SARAH: I just tapped my head and said to BStP, "I used my noodle."
KATE: noooodle
KATE: use your noooooodle
SARAH: noooooooooodle
SARAH: do the noodle dance
KATE: ::dance dance dance::
KATE: Apparently it's a Nick Jr kind of day.
SARAH: Soupsnake f***ing dog friends up in this biatch!
KATE: I almost just fell out of my chair laughing.

Kate Goes to Poetry Camp, With Special Guest Tom the Manfriend!

TOM: Hey, at least you're not going LARPing.
TOM: I like your poetry, but when you say you're going to poetry camp I laugh and laugh.
KATE: Shut up. I'm cool.
KATE: I'm super cool.
KATE: I'm the coolest.
KATE: Shut up.
SARAH: You are so cool.
KATE: SO cool.
SARAH: But if you were LARPing, you'd be living in a box somewhere without me.
KATE: Good to know.
SARAH: I'd keep that shit on the DL.
KATE: What, poetry camp? Or LARPing?
SARAH: LARPing. I'd LARP your face,
SARAH: except it wouldn't be LARP
SARAH: It would be LAMFIYF
SARAH: (live action my fist in your face)

The Story of Andre, Who is 47,000 Feet Tall

OMG. So Andre and his adorable wife sat on that stage on the town green and ate their picnic lunch.

I want to wash my heart. It's so overwhelmed with joy.

Don't Be That Cat

This morning, Ollie was sitting on my lap and I was petting him and he was purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring and then he would bite me and then he would purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr some more and then he would bite me again. Ollie, there are reasons no one loves you. We've figured them out.

Dear Kate's Stomach:

Don't be an asshole like Ollie. I mean, it isn't possible for your stomach to ACTUALLY be an asshole, mostly because they are in different places.

XO
Sarah

Sarah Reads the Classifieds

WHY ARE YOU SELLING A SPECIAL OLYMPICS SHIRT AND HAT FROM THE 1995 GAMES?  WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?  WHO THE HELL IS GOING TO BUY THAT?  YOU KEEP THAT SHIT, WEIRDO

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

SARAH: Oh my holy crap.
KATE: Wow. Aren't you glad you're alive now and not then?
SARAH: I totally would have gotten smacked every day.
KATE: Yes.
SARAH: Smacked right in my smart mouth.
SARAH: You know, for burning the roast or whatever.
KATE: And I would have just killed myself, because a girl like me is just not meant for that sort of thing.
SARAH: And then I would have been sad.
KATE: Oh, we wouldn't know each other--how would we have met? At WORK? Nope.
SARAH: That's right.
SARAH: In that case, I think I would also be sticking my head in the oven.
KATE: We are so much fun.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Crotches, Coming Summer 2009

I just called Achilles a "crotchy old man." I feel like that's accurate.

It's like the computer knows, and is changing the words to make sense. If this was a bad movie starring Nicholas Cage or Bruce Willis, the letters that the computer omits would actually be getting stored someone else, and the computer is predicting the end of the universe, and the way it is telling us is by stealing letters from insulting IMs.
 
It's going to be a box office smash and make like, 90 trillion dollars opening weekend.

Kate. We need to pitch this to someone.

Don't Stop Believing

SARAH: I don't think I will be having sexy times anytime soon 
SARAH: because of my snark.
KATE: You never know.
SARAH: I do know.
SARAH: It's what happens when you're a nasty bitch.
SARAH: It's called reality.
KATE: Don't worry.
KATE: That didn't really prevent you from getting laid before.

Never Thought I'd Be On a Cloud

SARAH: You really do love science and I really don't get science and we're like the odd couple or something, except not.
KATE: Here's the full video of "Partly Cloudy" (the Pixar short).
SARAH: Kate, that is not a link for Partly Cloudy, that's a link for nerd news. And you know how I feel about that.

Do You Know Sarah? Oh, Good, You're Fair Game.

SARAH: Coworker N went out with two old guys this weekend. Guys with kids.
KATE: Someone's dad?
SARAH: 2 Someone's Dads. Let's get it straight. 
SARAH: One of them asked for her phone number. I told her that maybe he wanted her to babysit. 
SARAH: I think I'm funny, even if no one else does. 

I Am Become Sarah, Shatterer of Boys

You're right. It's impossible to meet people around here and I have no hope in that case. It's not even like I have any hobbies that would bring me in contact with people worth knowing. So. Maybe your friends have a nice friend or something? I mean, he can't be too nice, otherwise I'll destroy him. But we know this... or at least you know it. No nice boys for me, otherwise I will rip out their soul and kill them.

Whenever I watch the Ok Go video, I wonder how long it took them to find the right speed for the treadmills. And then I think of them doing it at the wrong speed and falling down and then I laugh. Other people's pain amuses me. Going straight to hell I am.

You've Heard of Gorillas in the Mist?

Coworker X is outside...JUMPING ROPE IN THE RAIN. He's also on a crash diet of eating nothing but apples for breakfast and lunch so he can lose 10 pounds in a week. Yes, that's healthy. Eat nothing but apples and work out. I don't see how that could go badly.

An Open Letter to Lettuce

Dear Lettuce,
Sometimes when I put on you my veggie burger that I have for lunch, I have extra. So I pick it up and eat it...You really need to work on tasting better. You're always so good when you have dressing on you, but without dressing, you're crap. Just wanted to let you know.

XO,
Sarah

The Domain Name Probably Isn't Taken.

SARAH: Why are all the websites for men funny, and none of the ones for women?
KATE: Well, duh, Sarah, women aren't funny.
KATE: We're just here for decoration.
SARAH: Rephrase - why are there no funny women websites?
SARAH: What the frig is that about?
SARAH: We should start one.
SARAH: (Other than Best of Sarah)
KATE: I was going to say,
KATE: we kind of have.
SARAH: We should start another one,
SARAH: called "We Can Be Funny Too, You Assholes"

1-5000 Gumdrop Lane

SARAH: We're sending a letter to the Yummy Yummy Baking Company
SARAH: and all I can think is REALLY?
SARAH: That's like owning a store and calling it the "Good Shit in Here Place."
KATE: I bet they're at like 3701 Yummy Yummy Baking Company Street.
SARAH: If I ever own a company, I'm going to get a road
SARAH: and call it Gumdrop Lane
SARAH: because HELLO, WHY NOT
SARAH: and every time someone asks for the address, I'll give them a different number
SARAH: because we will be the only fucking building on Gumdrop Lane!

Nobody Has Ever Been This Sick Before, Ever.

SARAH: He's a bigger wuss than you or I.
SARAH: cough cough I am so sick!
SARAH: I might diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie here I am so sick
KATE: black lung
KATE: koff koff
SARAH: Goooooooooodbye cruel world!
SARAH: I was but a young man until a papercut stole my life!

It's Like Lord of the Flies, Except Everyone is Piggy

KATE: I'm getting nerdier, I'm sure of it.
SARAH: I wish there was some sort of vaccine.
KATE: Don't cure me!
KATE: I want to be a mutant.
SARAH: I want to save you from yourself!
SARAH: Otherwise we're going to have to start an all-new Australia,
SARAH: but instead of criminals, it will be nerds.

That's What Friends Are For.

KATE: Such good stuff happened in the world of science today!
KATE: Can I tell you one of them?
KATE: You won't care,
KATE: But it's kind of a big deal.
SARAH: Of course!
SARAH: You can always tell me whatever you want
SARAH: and I will always pretend to care.



incidentally, I was referring to this.

See Also: Duck Farts.

SARAH: I just thought of this one:
SARAH: Unicorns fart glitter, right?
SARAH: So if you were going to have to have a shot called a Unicorn Fart,
SARAH: you have to have vanilla vodka, glitter
SARAH: and a tad bit of cranberry juice
SARAH: because I would imagine unicorn farts are pink and glittery.
KATE: You are amazing.
SARAH: Hardly.
SARAH: But I have been giggling to myself
SARAH: about animal flatulence.
KATE: That's really what's important.

Did I Mention She Was Evil?

SARAH: B2 is totally the best looking kid in his grade.
SARAH: He goes to school with lots of ugly kids.
KATE: How does that happen?
SARAH: I don't know
SARAH: but these kids are so ugly.
SARAH: They fell down the Ugly Tree and into the You-Look-Llike-Ass Puddle.

No Day But Today, Guys

So Coworker N has gotten all preachy lately, and she keeps repeating this stupid shit like "When a door closes, a window opens." I want to be like, "HEY. This isn't RENT."

Sarah's Helpful Hints

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WEBSITE?

YOU CANNOT TROUBLESHOOT YOURSELF

I'm going to troubleshoot these people in the face.

Oh my holy crap.

Like Debutantes, We Are. Or Longshoremen.

SARAH: Apparently there is a drink called a duck fart.
SARAH: I don't know what that would be, but the idea of ducks farting is funny.
KATE: What the hell? Pondweeds and fish?
SARAH: Cause maybe their feathers would get all disturbed
KATE: And there would be bubbles.
SARAH:And they don't have butts - so would it make a sound?
KATE: Ah. This is a question philosophers have pondered for centuries.
SARAH: I want to google "duck fart"
SARAH: but I don't

Sarah and The Face She Keeps in a Jar By the Door

SARAH: Whenever I hear "Eleanor Rigby," I feel like I should be stabbing someone.
KATE: ...why?
SARAH: I dunno.
KATE: Oh, because of the string part?
SARAH: Yeah. That's it.
KATE: I never thought of that before.
SARAH: stab stab stab stab
SARAH: I'll be sure to hum this the next time I go all murdery
SARAH: That can be my thing.
KATE: That is a great idea.
SARAH: I can't see how that would go wrong.
SARAH: Dude, I OWNED last night at Jeopardy.
KATE: What were the categories?
SARAH: I think there was something about fruit.
SARAH: There was a category called "i killed someone."
KATE: Wow. It was like Sarah Night on Jeopardy.

So, of course, I Asked Why Her Dad Didn't Do It Himself.

I had to take care of it because my dad was cleaning the kitchen and he said that B2 or I had to do it and B2 is a wimp about that s*** and so it came to me and that crap couldn't stay in the house.

God, it was horrible. And then when Jack started eating it? ICKY ICK ICK GROSS VOM.

I guess with Jack, the deader and more gross and disgusting it is, the more tasty it is?

And my mom came home and acted like it was no big deal. Excuse me, mom, I almost vomited up very tasty pizza because of your gross chicken bits and if B1 was here he would have totally vomited and there isn't enough soap in the world to make me feel clean right now GOD I HATE YOU

The Legend of Sarah and the Nasty-Ass Smell

Are you ready for the story of....Sarah and B2 and the Case of the Nasty-Ass Smell in My House OMG Where is it Coming From? (Kind of imagine this is like Are You Afraid of the Dark, and i threw that dust into the fire that makes it get all smoky and dramatic-like.)

Okay, so I came home last night and the house smelled TERRIBLE. It smelled like something had vomited and died. Yes, it was that bad. And my dad had no idea where the smell was coming from, and B2 had no idea. So my dad told B2 to wash out the garbage can, thinking maybe the smell was coming from there.

It wasn't.

So B2 asks my dad again where the smell is coming from. My dad tells us that he knows but we have to guess. So we start shouting out things - ONIONS! POTATOES! STRAWBERRIES! THAT WEIRD FIRE HYDRANT THING WE PUT COMPOST IN! THE FRUIT IN THE BASKET! OLLIE!

Nope, none of those things.

So...We had chicken on sunday night, like a whole roast chicken. We put it on a beer can and you put it on the grill and nom nom nom it is so good. So in the chicken come gizzards or whatever that s*** is? Well, my mom takes the gizzards out and does god knows what with them. We were going to have the chicken on Saturday night, but we ended up going out to dinner and we didn't have the chicken until Sunday. So the chicken gizzards sat on a pot on the stove from Saturday morning until last night... which explains the smell.

We are dying.

My dad says that we have to take the gizzards down to the compost or something and I said that I would do it as long as B2 had the assist (there were other things that needed to go as well). So I grab the gross chicken pot without looking at it and I go outside and I'm like "B2, OPEN THE GATE TO THE DECK SO I CAN GET RID OF THIS" and he's refusing because the smell is so bad and I'm begging him to do so and so I turned around with the chicken s*** pot and he's like "STOP TWIRLING LIKE A BALLERINA YOU ARE MAKING THIS WORSE"

He finally opens the gate and I start going down in the backyard and Jack starts following me and (I'm getting a little queasy thinking about this) I go to dump the chicken s*** out and it's stuck in the pot and THE CHICKEN S*** JUICE GETS ON MY HAND so I scream and drop it and run and now the chicken s*** smells is everywhere and WE ARE OUTSIDE and we're gagging and I tried to run away from the smell and it was following me and then Jack was eating the chicken s*** and I had to go and get the pot but it was in the bushes and GOD IT SMELLED SO BAD and I would start dry heaving whenever I got near the pot and then I finally got it.

So we went back up to the house and I left the pot on the deck to punish it for being nasty-ass. But my dad said we had to wash it. So i brought it in and covered it with soap and my dad washed it AND THE HOUSE STILL SMELLED LIKE CHICKEN S*** FROM A POT and then my mom came home because OF COURSE she was out at dinner. And we shouted at her about the chicken s*** in the pot.

You Can't Win. Just Give Up.

ACHILLES: You're Little Miss Can't-be-wrong, you know that?
ACHILLES: The Spin Doctors were talking about you.
SARAH: They were not.
SARAH: Because they don't know me.
SARAH: And Achilles, it's not that I Can't-be-wrong.
ACHILLES: HA!
SARAH: It's that you're Mr. Never-makes-f***ing-sense.

Check and Mate.

ACHILLES: You just made up and are trying to be some sort of internet celebrity.
SARAH: Honey, I already am.
SARAH: (HELLO, Best of Sarah)

Sarah, the Life of the Office

Word got around my office that I have venison, and now I'm everyone's best friend. I said that out loud, and Coworker N's response was, "I can't believe I'm not drunk right now."

We're Not Unreasonable

KATE: Not if he were the last man on earth.
SARAH: Ever.
KATE: Ever.
SARAH: Even if everyone else was eaten by zombies.
KATE: Ha! How on earth did we manage to survive that?
KATE: I figure we'd be the first to go.
SARAH: Because we are resourceful?
SARAH: Because of underpants?
KATE: Ah. Yes. Because of underpants.
KATE: Zombie-resistant underpants.
SARAH: Yes. They keep the zombies out and the boys in?
KATE: Sounds good to me.
KATE: But wait--what if it's a boy zombie?
KATE: Which takes precedence?
SARAH: Zombie always comes before boy.
SARAH: We don't want any zombies at all.
KATE: That's wise.
SARAH: Then again, we don't want all boys.
KATE: Well, no.
KATE: But surely we'll have some say in that part.
SARAH: Invitation-only underpants.
KATE: You can't really decide with zombies.
KATE: "No, I don't want you to attack me. You? You're okay though."
KATE: Nope.
SARAH: As long as no one eats your eyes.

All Aboard the Bitch Bus

SARAH: Andre just dropped the key for the bathroom on the floor.
SARAH: I told him he's the reason we can't have nice things.
KATE: Ha.
SARAH: All aboard the Bitch Bus!
KATE: toot toot!
SARAH: No, I would totally have an airhorn on the Bitch Bus.
KATE: WHAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
SARAH: The Bitch Bus does not toot.
KATE: Mine would. Mine would be a Bitch Trolley,
KATE: with a little bell.
SARAH: ting ting!
KATE: Exactly.
SARAH: Your Bitch Trolley would roll peacefully through the town
KATE: and run people over. Adorably.
SARAH: whereas the Bitch Bus would drive around like the Knight Bus from Harry Potter,
SARAH: except it would actually hit things.

Sarah Plays Hipster Bingo

KATE: Nope, I only get the free square and the chuck ts.
KATE: Maybe it is accurate, Sarah.
KATE: Maybe you are a hipster.
SARAH: NO. I don't wanna be.
KATE: Maybe you and BJ are truly meant to be.
SARAH: NO. I DON'T WANNA BE LIKE BJ.
SARAH: Show him the hipster bingo.
SARAH: I'm surprised his head isn't on there somewhere.
SARAH: OH MAN, and I have a puffy down vest...
SARAH: KATE, I'm a hipster.
KATE: Yeah. You are.
SARAH: I'm no better than BJ.
KATE: Nope.
SARAH: I might have to go home and kill myself.
SARAH: Find someone else to feed the rats.

SARAH: I have a feeling. My "you're a f***ing moron" sense is tingling
SARAH: and it's saying...YOU'RE A F***ING MORON, IDIOTFACE.
KATE: Yeah, but you have that all the time though even when it's not true.
SARAH: Maybe it's on the fritz. I dont know who you would see about fixing that.
SARAH: Do they make sense doctors? I don't think so.
SARAH: If there were sense doctors, I would send my mom there
SARAH: and make her stay there until she made sense again.
KATE: YES.
SARAH: I bet they would put you in a box and ask you questions.
KATE: Maybe you can tell her she's going to the sense doctors, and just drop her in the polar bear enclosure?
KATE: because obviously doctors are at the zoo.
SARAH: Like they would give her a phone and she would call my cell and say, "Sarah?"
SARAH: and someone would hit her.
KATE: Ha!
SARAH: OR if she called the house phone and ask if the person who answered was home
SARAH: She'd get a smack for that.
SARAH: Kate, we should become doctors
SARAH: just so people would pay us to literally slap sense into someone.
SARAH: MAN. I AM SO SMART.
KATE: Good idea.
SARAH: I feel as though we have stumbled upon something really important today.

Wednesday Was a Very Long Day

PEOPLE
  
PEOPLE ON THE PHONE. If someone doesn't answer their phone...LEAVE THEM A MESSAGE.

Dear Everyone:
Go f*** yourselves.
  
Love,
Me

Kate, kill this guy. And kill me.
  
No, kill me. Kill me twice.
  
PEOPLE
  
LEAVE VOICEMAILS
  
THAT IS THE POINT OF F***ING VOICEMAIL
  
YOU LEAVE A MESSAGE AND PEOPLE CALL YOU BACK AND WHY DOES MY DESK SMELL LIKE MAPLE SYRUP I AM GOING TO KILL EVERYONE

Careful.

KATE: Oh dear god.  
KATE: I just snotted on my desk.
KATE: You are too much.
KATE: My cubicle neighbors must think I'm epileptic.
SARAH: Ew. Snot.
SARAH: I suppose the calories would come out in the snots too.
KATE: I was paralyzed for a moment
KATE: With trying not to laugh too loud.
SARAH: It could come out as a fart if you're not careful.
SARAH: Happens to my brother sometimes.

Magical Melty Crack Rock Vitamins? On Sale.

SARAH: So in Weight Watchers once we were talking about how your body gets all the daily requirements of stuff that it needs...like vitamin C or D or sodium or whatever,
SARAH: So people at the meeting thought that once you reached your requirement of vitamin C, all the calories associated with the vitamin would also be gotten rid of by your body.
KATE: Magically?
SARAH: Well, by peeing
SARAH: You would pee out all the calories.
SARAH: Are people really this dumb?
SARAH: If we peed out everything we didn't need, NONE OF US WOULD BE FAT, DUMBSH**.

Sarah and the Massachusetts Dog Company

SARAH: Okay, there is some place called the "Massachusetts Dog Company."
SARAH: What sort of a place does that sound like to you?
KATE: A sewer?
SARAH: Right. Or a place where you would buy used dogs.
KATE: Ew.
KATE: Jack is a used dog. Used and ruined.
SARAH: RUINED. He is ruined for sure.
SARAH: But no, they are a place that has people that come to your house when you're out of town to walk your dog or whatever.
KATE: Wow. That's a terrible name for that company.
SARAH: I know, right?

SARAH: Continuing the weirdness:
SARAH: There's some community out in Long Island for old people
SARAH: and it's a "secure memory impairment neighborhood."
SARAH: And what the f*** is that about?
KATE: Well, that makes sense.
KATE: They built it so old gramps can't wander out into the world.
KATE: It's like a big cage for old people.
SARAH: In the ad is an old lady looking at a photo album
SARAH: and I thought, "She probably doesn't even know that's her grandkid."

WoW, She's Brutal

SARAH: Kate, loving sick people is just like laughing that your ex-boyfriend is still kinda fat and was in a wedding for people who met on WoW. Yeah. That's right. And someone posted pictures from the wedding using the people's WoW names instead of their real people names. The real people names you use when you are real people.
SARAH: If I ever start playing WoW (no, I don't know why either) and I meet some boy on there, do not let me meet him. Unless he's really good-looking and smart and not awkward and makes me laugh. Although good-looking people do not play WoW. Look at my ex-boyfriend.  or BJ.
SARAH: Yeah, I went there.
KATE: Hey, it's better that they're marrying each other.
KATE: At least they're not in the dating pool.
SARAH: I suppose.
SARAH: No, they're not in the dating pool. They are in the WoW puddle.

Ollie May Be a Demon But I Almost Feel Sorry for Him

Ollie didn't come home until 1 AM and so my mom gave him a talking to this morning and told him that he was not allowed to be out that late. I think she thinks this works. I tell her to talk to the cat for my own personal amusement.

When she talks to Ollie, she picks him up and sort of shakes him around and he is too busy looking for food. Because he's a fatass. Also, he ate his way into a bag of dog food last night.

Sarah and the Hamburgers of Hatred

SARAH: So I'm thinking of all the things that we might be having for dinner tonight, and $5 says it's hot dogs and hamburgers, because that's the default food in my house. When my mom doesn't know what to make, that's what she makes. Not pasta. Not something logical. F***ing hotdogs and hamburgers.
SARAH: and it makes me SO MAD
SARAH: and for that reason, cookouts make me annoyed.
KATE: Why does it make you mad?
SARAH: Well, to make hot dogs and hamburgers, you have to go to the store and get rolls.
SARAH: like...if you're going GET SOMETHING TO EAT...
SARAH: Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
KATE: I would just like you to know
KATE: That in my head what you're typing is being read by Lewis Black.
SARAH: YESSSSSSSSS
KATE: Lots of fist-waving.
SARAH: I don't think it's good for anyone to eat that much processed meat.
SARAH: But it doesn't bother anyone,
SARAH: except me.
SARAH: And I'm like F***ING GODDAMN HOTDOGS
SARAH: I DON'T WANT TO EAT THESE
SARAH: but...if I go out, I'll have a hamburger.
SARAH: I just don't want it to come from my house.
KATE: Those are the hamburgers of hatred.
SARAH: Okay, time to go home!
SARAH: Where there will hopefully not be hot dogs and hamburgers
SARAH: because otherwise, sh** is getting broken.

Sarah in Desperate (and Not So Desperate) Times

ACHILLES: So you're saying I'm evil?
SARAH: Are you saying you're not?
ACHILLES: I asked first.
SARAH: If you eat babies, then yes, you're evil.
SARAH: Babies are for shaking, not for eating.
ACHILLES: Well, you said I ate babies.
SARAH: Because you said that I eat babies and we both know that's not true!
SARAH: Because I bet babies are like veal and I don't like veal.

KATE: The two of you together are bad news. Babies will die.
SARAH: I wouldn't eat my own baby! Jesus!
SARAH: Kate, I'm not a barbarian.
KATE: ha!
SARAH: I would only eat other people's babies.
KATE: Well, good.
SARAH: And only if they were really annoying and we were stuck on a desert island and there was no hope of rescue.
KATE: You'd do it for fun. Don't lie.


BEST OF SARAH POLL

I believe that Sarah would eat a baby.
1. Only in desperate circumstances
2. If it looked at her funny
3. Never
4. I believe she already has

Sarah, The Nice Girl

SARAH: I have to be difficult with things? You only want complicated cupcakes?
ACHILLES: Yes. Sorry.
SARAH: I don't have to make you anything AT ALL.
SARAH: I CHOOSE to make you things because I'M A NICE GIRL.
SARAH: note to self: saying you are a nice girl in shouty tones does not make you a nice girl.
KATE: Oh, come on. If it's loud it must be true.

Nerd Island? Yeah, We're There.

KATE: Can I be honest? I am still really f***ing proud of your Death Eater shirt. That was a labor of love.
SARAH: It's f***ing sweet.
KATE: Maybe you can wear it when we go to the premiere if you won't feel like a huge loser.
SARAH: Kate, we will be surrounded by losers.
KATE: HA!
KATE: TRUE.
KATE: I have to find my radish earrings.