(quoted)(925): She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
KATE: Awww. Like you would ever waste good vodka on a balloon.
KATE: Though if it actually did float it would be a very handy way to carry your drink.
SARAH: Oh man, then I would bring balloons to work every day.
SARAH: Don’t mind me, coworkers. I just wanted an extra bit of cheer in my cube.
SARAH: Y’all can suck it.
Showing posts with label sarah loves everyone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sarah loves everyone. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
We've Started Naming Her Personalities.
SARAH: I like that a separate, even more evil part of me takes over at times.
SARAH: And that part of me cannot be TAMED, MILEY
KATE: Do you have a good side?
SARAH: I guess the good side of me volunteers for shit and loves a few people.
SARAH: She pops up every now and again.
SARAH: She’s like the Groundhog of Goodness--comes out, does some good and then it’s 6 more weeks of evil.
SARAH: And that part of me cannot be TAMED, MILEY
KATE: Do you have a good side?
SARAH: I guess the good side of me volunteers for shit and loves a few people.
SARAH: She pops up every now and again.
SARAH: She’s like the Groundhog of Goodness--comes out, does some good and then it’s 6 more weeks of evil.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Sarah Has Some Opinions About Things
SARAH: If you want to be a vegan, you shouldn’t be able to exist. End of freakin’ story.
SARAH: Any life without cheese and milk and goddamn eggs is not a life worth living.
SARAH: And everything basically has eggs and milk in it.
SARAH: French toast? Pancakes? FREAKIN’ SCRAMBLED EGGS?
SARAH: OMG ICE CREAM YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT YOU DUMB VEGAN IDIOTS
SARAH: Any life without cheese and milk and goddamn eggs is not a life worth living.
SARAH: And everything basically has eggs and milk in it.
SARAH: French toast? Pancakes? FREAKIN’ SCRAMBLED EGGS?
SARAH: OMG ICE CREAM YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT YOU DUMB VEGAN IDIOTS
Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring (Banana Face!)
SARAH: Just told one of my coworkers I was going to punch her in the banana face.
KATE: What does that even mean?
SARAH: She was eating a banana. Thus...banana face.
SARAH: Going to get punched there. And it's going to hurt. Or at least I think it will.
SARAH: That’s what happens when you have a banana face.
KATE: What does that even mean?
SARAH: She was eating a banana. Thus...banana face.
SARAH: Going to get punched there. And it's going to hurt. Or at least I think it will.
SARAH: That’s what happens when you have a banana face.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
She's Back in the Game.
SARAH: Now I know why the website is okcupid and not okaycupid.
SARAH: Because adding the "ay" would be too many letters for some of these people to process.
SARAH: I am way too good for this website.
SARAH: And no, it's not lonely up here on my pedestal by myself.
SARAH: Sweet Jesus in heaven these people should not be allowed keyboards
SARAH: Or computers
SARAH: Or even a Speak and Spell.
SARAH: Because adding the "ay" would be too many letters for some of these people to process.
SARAH: I am way too good for this website.
SARAH: And no, it's not lonely up here on my pedestal by myself.
SARAH: Sweet Jesus in heaven these people should not be allowed keyboards
SARAH: Or computers
SARAH: Or even a Speak and Spell.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Morning Has Broken
SARAH: At the Starbucks. There is a guy here wearing Ugg boots.
SARAH: I don't know why I'm surprised
SARAH: It's not even hip. It's just fucking weird.
SARAH: Wear real shoes, asshole.
SARAH: Find your shoes and wear boots like a man.
KATE: Maybe his balls went to Nashville too.
SARAH: Is that the ball capital of the United States?
KATE: It just might be.
SARAH: I don't want to go there anymore.
SARAH: I don't know why I'm surprised
SARAH: It's not even hip. It's just fucking weird.
SARAH: Wear real shoes, asshole.
SARAH: Find your shoes and wear boots like a man.
KATE: Maybe his balls went to Nashville too.
SARAH: Is that the ball capital of the United States?
KATE: It just might be.
SARAH: I don't want to go there anymore.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Sarah's Company Had a "Tailgate" "Party"
SARAH: I am going to slaughter the HR lady.
SARAH: I emailed her to tell her about who was on our flip cup team.
SARAH: And I said, “Here’s the team roster:”
SARAH: Which she took to mean our team name. Our team name is Team Roster.
SARAH: GO TEAM ROSTER.
KATE: That's...wow. Wow wow wow.
SARAH: That’s what I’m saying. Apparently you don’t need to know words to work in HR.
SARAH: I emailed her to tell her about who was on our flip cup team.
SARAH: And I said, “Here’s the team roster:”
SARAH: Which she took to mean our team name. Our team name is Team Roster.
SARAH: GO TEAM ROSTER.
KATE: That's...wow. Wow wow wow.
SARAH: That’s what I’m saying. Apparently you don’t need to know words to work in HR.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Cat Pot Calling Cat Kettle Cat Black
SARAH: FLAKY CAT LADY I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND
SARAH: She’s all like “I thought I was crazy because I didn’t see that link on there”
SARAH: LISTEN. YOU ARE CRAZY. LINK OR NOT, YOU ARE CRAZY. YOU HAVE FACEBOOK FOR YOUR CAT
KATE: Doesn't Ollie have a facebook?
KATE: Just saying.
SARAH: Ollie has catbook. Which is facebook for cats. There is a difference. Also, you will notice that I don’t write on my own wall, pretending to be Ollie. Nor have I updated catbook since I was in college.
SARAH: But Flaky Cat Lady’s cat? Her cat updates its status. The cat. Updates. Its status.
SARAH: She’s all like “I thought I was crazy because I didn’t see that link on there”
SARAH: LISTEN. YOU ARE CRAZY. LINK OR NOT, YOU ARE CRAZY. YOU HAVE FACEBOOK FOR YOUR CAT
KATE: Doesn't Ollie have a facebook?
KATE: Just saying.
SARAH: Ollie has catbook. Which is facebook for cats. There is a difference. Also, you will notice that I don’t write on my own wall, pretending to be Ollie. Nor have I updated catbook since I was in college.
SARAH: But Flaky Cat Lady’s cat? Her cat updates its status. The cat. Updates. Its status.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Sarah Empathizes
Dear Flaky Cat Lady,
No one cares that you are too poor to have a dryer or that all your towels are now wet or that your shower tomorrow might not happen. That is a gross overshare. And no one cares. Especially me. I don’t care the most.
No one cares that you are too poor to have a dryer or that all your towels are now wet or that your shower tomorrow might not happen. That is a gross overshare. And no one cares. Especially me. I don’t care the most.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Sarah is Good at Threats, Part II
Flaky cat lady, I don’t care if it’s your birthday. I will bring you full circle and END YOU TODAY if you don’t stop coughing NO ONE IS SICK FOR THIS LONG ARE YOU SECRETLY A DBAG YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE YOUR LEGS WAGON LEGS I SWEAR TO GOD
I just made up a song. It’s called “You’re Going to Lose Your Legs.”
You’re going to lose your legs OHHHHHHHH You’re going to lose your legs! Yes you’re going to lose your leggggggggggggggggs. You are a dbag, YES! You're going to lose your legs!
I just made up a song. It’s called “You’re Going to Lose Your Legs.”
You’re going to lose your legs OHHHHHHHH You’re going to lose your legs! Yes you’re going to lose your leggggggggggggggggs. You are a dbag, YES! You're going to lose your legs!
Sarah is Good at Threats
FLAKY CAT LADY YOU SHOULD BE GLAD IT IS THE END OF THE DAY OR I WOULD END YOUR LIFE STOP FUCKING COUGHING JESUS MARY AND DUMBLEDORE
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