She's Going to Be Talking About Fish Oil A Lot, You Guys

SARAH: There is a hunger in my belly.  FEED ME, it says. 
SARAH: You wait your damn turn, stomach. 
SARAH: I already gave you Swedish fish and fish oil. What more could you want?
KATE: Please tell me you have eaten something other than Poseidon tears and Swedish fish today.
SARAH: I had some cereal. But the only thing that really matters are Swedish fish and Poseidon tears. 
SARAH: I wonder what’s going on in my tummy, what with such magical shit. 
SARAH: OH MAN, what if the Poseidon tears turned the Swedish fish into REAL FISH? 
SARAH: WOULDN”T THAT BE CRAZY?!?!?!

Sarah Was Born During the Industrial Fish Revolution

SARAH: I feel like when you make fish oil, you just squeeze a fish really really hard until all the oil comes out.
SARAH: This is your Sarah Thought of the Day.
KATE: What sort of machine does that, do you think? Or is it just some guy with a fish in his hand, squeezing it like a lemon?
SARAH: I don’t know.  Maybe in third-world countries someone squeezes fish by hand. But here, in America, we use a fish squeeze press. 

The Crisis, Continued

KATE: I should tell you, I get away with a lot more as a redhead than I ever did as a blonde-ish person.
KATE: But that's probably because my red hair gives me the attitude to try more.
KATE: People expect gingers to be trouble. I'm just doing my job.
SARAH: And maybe I’m just doing my job. 
SARAH: My job of being AWESOME LIKE TOTALLY.
SARAH: Save me.  Save me from myself.

Sartre Had Similar Issues

SARAH: I want chili. I most certainly do not want my rice and veggies for lunch. But I’m going to eat it. I’m going to eat it and be pissed with every bite. 
SARAH: I basically loathe every human being I have seen since I woke up. 
SARAH: Did I add that I am having an existential hair crisis? 
SARAH: I couldn’t figure out if I was blonde or not. Which means that I’m really actually a blonde. 
SARAH: But I know about existentialism. Which makes me not blonde. 
SARAH: And as you can see, I’m back at the crossroads of my life.
KATE: You're blonde. Trust me on this one. I learned my colors in school. I was good at it.
SARAH: Kate, if I ever wasn’t a blonde, I might end it. 
SARAH: Because my entire existence is based on the fact that I am blonde. Not Barbie blonde, but I’m blonde.
SARAH: And if ever I were not to be, I wouldn’t know how to act.
SARAH: As opposed to now, when I just don’t know how to act for the sake of not knowing how to act.
KATE: Since when has your existence been based on the fact that you're blonde?
KATE: What the hell kind of existence is that?
SARAH: It’s my blonde existence! It’s the existence I’ve had for 25 years. 
SARAH: It’s based on the fact that because I have blonde hair, I can do whatever I want.  And you know, make unreasonable demands. 
SARAH: It is my blonde existence! 
SARAH: I do not have to justify it to you (mostly because I cannot)!

A few minutes later

SARAH: Besides, if I had hair like BJ’s or something, I would have already thrown myself off a cliff.  Because that is stupid hair.
KATE: I'm still having trouble wrapping my brain around the idea that your hair color is what justifies unreasonable demands. I thought you just made them because you could.
KATE: If you were a brunette you could do the same thing.
SARAH: But would anyone listen to me? No. They would not. 
SARAH: Then I would just seem like I was being picky about things. It seems more conniving when you’re blonde. 
SARAH: I’m just making shit up at this point, you know that, right? Like, I don’t even believe what I’m saying.

A few minutes later

SARAH: Or maybe I do.

A few minutes later

SARAH: Perhaps I don’t.

We've Been Good, But We Can't Last

SARAH: You know, I'm starting to think that Dave from the Chipmunks has a rage problem.
KATE: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand my day is over.
SARAH: Check this out.
KATE: Sarah, if you ever do this please drive away before the cops arrive.
SARAH: Is it bad that I can see why this would be a logical response to there not being chicken nuggets?
SARAH: Because I can.
KATE: I knew you would.
SARAH: Dude, when you want nuggets, you want fucking nuggets.
SARAH: You better have some goddamn nuggets, bitches.
KATE: Oh dear.
KATE: I mean, okay, when you need nuggets you need nuggets.
KATE: But I can hardly reach the pickup window as it is.
KATE: So I couldn't really do that anyway.
SARAH: Well, I can.
KATE: Sometimes I have to open my door and get out.
SARAH: Adorable.
SARAH: But back to Dave and his problems.
KATE: Oh, yes. You were saying?
SARAH: I bet he smacks those chipmunks around. Which is silly because he could just lock them out of the house and then they would die because I am SURE they have no idea how to fend for themselves.
SARAH: And how did he end up with talking chipmunks anyway?
SARAH: And WHY do they wear shirts?
KATE: I just squeaked.
KATE: i'm helpless.
KATE: I'm crying.
SARAH: That's just what Dave wants when he shouts.
SARAH: Fucking Dave.
SARAH: He's a real asshole.
SARAH: Chipmunk Protective Services should be called in to do...whatever it is they do.
KATE: He seems like he'd fit in with your family.
SARAH: I bet you dave is taking a HUGE cut from the chipmunk piggy bank
SARAH: Because they are chipmunks and don't understand money.
SARAH: They understand nuts. And let me tell you, nuts are cheap.

Sometimes Sarah Has Opinions About Things

SARAH: So I'm reading this cookbook now and it tells you how to make all that brand-name stuff.
SARAH: Like Shamrock Shakes.

time passes

SARAH: CREAM CHEESE??!?!?
SARAH: YOU BUY THAT SHIT, YOU DON'T MAKE IT!

time passes

SARAH: DUCK SAUCE.
SARAH: THERE IS A RECIPE FOR DUCK SAUCE.
KATE: I like that you just shouted "DUCK SAUCE" at me.
SARAH: NEWSFLASH - NOT FROM DUCKS.

time passes

SARAH: FRUIT MOTHERFUCKING ROLLUPS?!?!
SARAH: WHY?
KATE: I couldn't tell you.
KATE:  I am, however amused at how irate this has made you. 
SARAH: Gatorade?
SARAH: You buy that shit.
SARAH: Goo goo clusters?
SARAH:  What the frig are those I am disgusted
KATE:  I think it's candy? You're the one with the recipe in front of you.
SARAH: Jesus, Kate, this shit is blowing my mind.
KATE:  I can see that
SARAH: MAYO.
SARAH: WHY WOULD YOU MAKE MAYO?!?

You've Heard of Gorillas in the Mist?

Coworker X is outside...JUMPING ROPE IN THE RAIN. He's also on a crash diet of eating nothing but apples for breakfast and lunch so he can lose 10 pounds in a week. Yes, that's healthy. Eat nothing but apples and work out. I don't see how that could go badly.

Sarah and the Hamburgers of Hatred

SARAH: So I'm thinking of all the things that we might be having for dinner tonight, and $5 says it's hot dogs and hamburgers, because that's the default food in my house. When my mom doesn't know what to make, that's what she makes. Not pasta. Not something logical. F***ing hotdogs and hamburgers.
SARAH: and it makes me SO MAD
SARAH: and for that reason, cookouts make me annoyed.
KATE: Why does it make you mad?
SARAH: Well, to make hot dogs and hamburgers, you have to go to the store and get rolls.
SARAH: like...if you're going GET SOMETHING TO EAT...
SARAH: Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
KATE: I would just like you to know
KATE: That in my head what you're typing is being read by Lewis Black.
SARAH: YESSSSSSSSS
KATE: Lots of fist-waving.
SARAH: I don't think it's good for anyone to eat that much processed meat.
SARAH: But it doesn't bother anyone,
SARAH: except me.
SARAH: And I'm like F***ING GODDAMN HOTDOGS
SARAH: I DON'T WANT TO EAT THESE
SARAH: but...if I go out, I'll have a hamburger.
SARAH: I just don't want it to come from my house.
KATE: Those are the hamburgers of hatred.
SARAH: Okay, time to go home!
SARAH: Where there will hopefully not be hot dogs and hamburgers
SARAH: because otherwise, sh** is getting broken.