SARAH: Oh man, Ollie was such a little bastard last night. He ran up to my mom and bit her and my mom claimed he bit her because he was not getting enough socialization. She is in denial. Very, very, very deep denial.
KATE: I just figured out who Ollie reminds me of: Dudley Dursley. And your mom is Petunia and she thinks her fat bastard can do no wrong but really he is an awful awful creature and terrorizes everyone. Which would make you (and everyone else) Harry Potter. But mostly you, because your mom is mean to you.
SARAH: Oh man. But I’m not going to Hogwarts. I bet it’s because that bastard Ollie ate the owl before it got to me to give me my letter. Even though Ollie wasn’t even born when I would have been of the appropriate age to go to Hogwarts. Ollie’s mom wasn’t even born then. So…maybe not.
SARAH: But Ollie is so evil, I bet he made a time machine and went back to the past and told them to eat my letter from the Hogwarts owl and then Nellie (who was before Ollie and just as mean) ate the Hogwarts owl and in the end, Ollie wins.
SARAH: I just spent some time coming up with that scenario. I think I need help. Anti-inflammatory drugs have gone to my brain.
KATE: Wow. Yes. You do need help. But don't get too much help because then you won't be funny.
No comments:
Post a Comment