SARAH: Maybe I should get Ollie a squeaky toy. It would sound like him rolling over a mouse.
SARAH: Because he is Voldemort.
KATE: If I hadn't met Ollie, I wouldn't believe that a cat could do that. But I have, and yes, such a ridiculous thing is not only possible but likely. A-mazing. That has to be the best thing that cat has ever done.
SARAH: Once he had his claws out and smacked my neanderthal ex-boyfriend in the junk. That was also amazing.
KATE: That's right! If only we had this all on video, we could do a highlights reel. Oh well. I really don't want to see neanderthal junk anyway.
KATE: Ugh.
SARAH: And then, if we did a highlights reel, Ollie would wait until we were sleeping and slit our throats with his claws. He would waddle to Cupcake Land and pick our lock with his claws and then he would open the door (because he’s just about figured out how to do that) and he would come and find us.
SARAH: And then eat Angela and Phyllis for good measure.
KATE: No way, man. If we did a highlights reel Ollie would get lawyers and sue us. And THEN he'd kill us and our pets in our sleep.
SARAH: I like to imagine fat Ollie smashing his paws on the phone trying to call some lawyers.
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